Looking Forward

Current mood: contemplative

Craziness abounds at Casa Bee. Jeesh, one would think that our insane schedules would be a piece of cake for me by this point and that abnormal is somehow comforting to us, but I am tired.

This week we have district honor band for Nolan. Of course, since our home is in the Northeast and there are only five of the district's schools in the Northeast, we have to drive to the eastern-most depths of El Paso for every single district event. I understand holding the performances at the district office because that is where functions should be held, but rehearsal locations should be rotated. Oh well, no one cares what I think and we are moving (some stinkin' day) anyway so I guess I'll get over it. Two nights down, two nights to go.

Tomorrow we have to leave rehearsal early for wrestling weigh-ins. That's on Fort Bliss. Ugh.

I've been so negative lately. I know that the current state of our family and our seemingly never-ending separation is the primary culprit, but I am sick of me, so I am sure most of you are as well.

Normally, I am a pretty happy person. I would even venture to say I am a content person. I miss me. I miss being fun. Having fun. I really miss laughing. Sure, I giggle with the kids, but there is absolutely nothing as funny as Travis. There is just something about his demeanor which sends me arse over tea-kettle laughing and I've only had very small doses of that over the last ten and a half months.

I have tried doing all the things people suggest for our situation. I've somewhat staged the house and I am not doing any more staging because we do have to live here, after all. I've kept it clean. I've made it available. I've followed the Realtor's advice. I've priced the house competitively, then lowered the price and lowered it again below market value and below what EVERYONE else is asking for theirs. I've marketed the house myself in addition to what the Realtor has done. Prayer. Tears. You name it, yes. I have tried it. Well all except burying a statue of St. Joseph in the yard next to the for sale sign facing the house. That's next.

I need to find me again. I don't know for sure, but I think part of me is hanging in some kind of limbo over the interstate between El Paso and Columbia. A big part of me (wish it had taken a big part of my butt along with it) just seems missing. So, I am going to set my mind to feeling better. I am tired of feeling tired. I am tired of feeling run-down and crappy all the time. I am not sure how I am going to pep myself up, but I will. I don't have a choice any more. If I do this for much longer, I'll really lose my mind.

I would appreciate it if those of my friends who are reading this will forgive me my crappiness. I promise to try to be more me the next time you see me.

Currently listening:Classical ChilloutBy Various ArtistsRelease date: 2002-05-21