Current mood: thoughtful
OK, in our house we watch "The Real World," and no one has to remind me that there is no limit to the absence of much real reality going on in that house. Before you question my allowing my teenager and pre-teen to watch, "such a program," it is important to realize I use this show and others as teaching tools. I do not want to send my children out into the world without fully understanding the world they are going into. This is not necessarily a kind world. Sure, sheltered people can do just as well when they head off into adulthood as those who were completely unsheltered. I choose to see things from a different viewpoint. I teach my kids about what really is going on and allow them to ask questions and discuss it all with me (and Travis when he is available) and sometimes television helps me introduce topics to them. I think the way we do things is an introduction to the world while still sheltering them, since they have an open forum to talk about what they learn without having to be a part of it all. My kids are educated and they have formed opinions and most of their reactions have been in keeping with those of Travis and I, which makes things easier on us. I am sure at some point that may change and we'll deal with it if and when it all comes around.
So, over the last two weeks, "The Real World," (which is incredibly scripted and edited, just so you know) one of the main topics has been the activation of one of the housemates requiring his return to active duty. His name is Ryan Conklin and he was in the Army, and did deploy to Iraq as an Infantryman. He had discussed with his roommates the possibility that he could be reactivated as one of the terms of his separation from the Army was that he would be a part of the Individual Ready Reserve. Some of those in the IRR get recalled, some don't, but that potential for activation is there for all of them.
Last week on the show, Ryan's family informed him that he was being activated. They read the orders to him and it came out that he would be reporting in February to Fort Jackson. The kids instantly flipped. Remember, if you will, that we are eventually heading to Fort Jackson. It isn't all that big as far as Army posts go, so in teen language, Ryan will be at our house for cookouts or something, I am sure. I think they wonder if their father knows Ryan. The answer is no. Travis works at the Ordnance school, Ryan is Infantry- they are quite different.
Ryan's "Real World" housemates came up with such frivolity as, "Say you're gay and I'll be your boyfriend (I will refrain from jokes)." and "Break your leg so you wont have to go." There was more to it than that, but it is so incredible to me to see how young adults deal with the reality Ryan is facing. They have been so open and accepting of all the alternative lifestyles in the house (a trans-woman [I believe that is the title they give her], a gay man, and a woman who was in her first heterosexual relationship), yet most of the housemates have made fun of Chet for his religion (Mormon) and have very little understanding of the duty Ryan and others like him have served. Maybe those of faith and those who hold more "traditional" roles in our society are becoming the "alternative" now. Either way, the boy is going to do what he is being called to do because he is a young man of substance.
Eventually, he was able to come to terms with his return to the Army and impending deployment. In doing so, he was also able to help his roomies accept it. At the end of the episode this week, the roomies gave him a journal (he journals and writes his own songs incessantly) in which they had written their thoughts and feelings about him leaving and asked him to fill the journal while he was gone with his own words and expressions.
It seems that there are a lot of younger people who just can't fathom giving up their lives for service in our armed forces. Yes, there is also an incredible amount of those who do, for a myriad of reasons. They join for the sign on bonuses, the education, the job security and stability, to see the world, to escape from home, for the honor of service, to blow things up and others don't really know why they join at all. But, thank God they do.
Last week, the 978th Military Police lost another Soldier. CPL Gary Moore died from injuries sustained from a roadside bomb. He was 25 years old. From what the media said, he was the kind of Soldier who would volunteer for duty to allow those with families more time with their spouses and kids. He was single. CPL Moore is the second fatality from the 978th's 2008 deployment to Iraq. Prior to last June's deployment, the 978th had never lost a Soldier in Iraq. CPL Moore is being laid to rest this week in his hometown in Oklahoma.Travis texted me when he found out.
My first question was whether or not he knew the Corporal. He said he doesn't think he knew him. Still, the loss is felt by all of us. Even our kids took a minute to think about the things all military families think about when they learn of a Soldier's death.
Travis trains baby Soldiers every day. He has said before he serves so our kids wont have to. Amanda has no interest in the military for herself and Nolan has expressed, on occasion, that he might be interested. I am pretty confident Travis will try to steer him away from the military.
Amazing young people are all around my family. For that, I am grateful. And, for those who are not surrounded by that greatness, I hope you have the chance to shake hands some day with someone who has accepted the call to service, or to simply pause in the presence of a servicemember. If you support the wars or if you do not does not matter. I hope you have the opportunity to stop and think of these people who are just starting to live who are willing to risk it all for some purpose they believe in or chose to be a part of.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Long Haul
Pretty much the story of my life over the last twelve months. He's been gone twelve months. A full year. I left him in South Carolina a year ago last Friday. I couldn't even get through security because I couldn't see through the stupid fog on my glasses from my crying and my nerves had me shaking like crazy. That was easily the hardest flight I ever took.
Today I made a snap decision. I am a planner-type person. I make lists and I am organized and there is nothing out of place, especially when I am taking on what I am tomorrow. It isn't that big a deal and if you want to know what is up, message me and I'll tell you. I keep most of my posts public and I don't feel like changing anything. You'll all know soon enough and IT REALLY ISN'T ANYTHING MAJOR! I've already eluded (is that how it is spelled? It's five after one in the morning and I can't sleep, forgive the poor grammar.) to what I am doing. Search out the context clues, peeps. But now, I can't sleep. I've got nerves and Travis on the brain.
I suppose the Dierks Bentley and Jason Aldean ballads on the iTunes aren't much helping. And that takes me to the next random paragraph.
I've loved Dierks Bentley since his first single dropped in 2003- "What Was I Thinkin'?"(I was still in radio then so I get to use the "lingo") His new album does NOT disappoint and I may have another alltime favorite song to add to my playlist. Actually, several playlists because I am starting to discover the marvelousness (don't care, shut up) of playlists. It is almost like when I was in high school and would sit for hours on my bedroom floor with KZZP's dedication hour on and my fingers going numb from my holding them to the record and pause buttons on my tape deck so I could make the best mix EVER, only now it is my stupid eyes making me lame. Oh, and now there's no friggin dj talking all over the song's intro to screw up my mix. Stupid djs. Anyway, back to everyone's favorite blond from Tempe- my Dierks. His new album features a song called "I Wanna Make You Close Your Eyes." It makes me miss Travis- like I needed help. The song is an amazing ballad (normally ballads aren't my thing) and it kinda makes me, well, umm, you know. It sparks a fire in me for my sweetheart. No, not the DOMENOWORIWILLRUPTURESOMETHING kind of fire. I am talking about the fire only real intimacy brings. I miss his breath on my neck and the way he says my name. And still- more reasons to not get in my bed.
Travis and I always seemed to be in a truck (or his '69 Chevelle) going somewhere when we got together. I loved to sit next to him in the truck with my feet on either side of the gear shift so he could rest his hand on my knee. His old brown truck didn't have any air conditioning so the windows were always down and it never seemed to matter. Things were simple. Nothing had to be managed. It was him and me and the wind and a Motel 6 once a month because that was better than trying to find an empty parking lot every weekend, and who had the money for more than that? Life now is good when we are together, but I wouldn't mind an old brown truck with no a/c every once in a while too.
I just can't shut my mind off tonight and all of it, in one way or another, takes me back to Travis. And there's something I just can't talk about right now and that reminds me of him too. I can't give hints but no one needs to worry about us or our family, we are fine. But tonight, I am grateful again, even with him 1600 miles away.
I have to be up in four hours to take Amanda and Tommy to the canyon so they can run. Yeah, McKelligon Canyon, where Travis used to run. See what I mean?
Guess I'll find something boring on the TV to try to numb my mind into a trance and maybe I'll actually fall asleep.
I hate El Paso.
Today I made a snap decision. I am a planner-type person. I make lists and I am organized and there is nothing out of place, especially when I am taking on what I am tomorrow. It isn't that big a deal and if you want to know what is up, message me and I'll tell you. I keep most of my posts public and I don't feel like changing anything. You'll all know soon enough and IT REALLY ISN'T ANYTHING MAJOR! I've already eluded (is that how it is spelled? It's five after one in the morning and I can't sleep, forgive the poor grammar.) to what I am doing. Search out the context clues, peeps. But now, I can't sleep. I've got nerves and Travis on the brain.
I suppose the Dierks Bentley and Jason Aldean ballads on the iTunes aren't much helping. And that takes me to the next random paragraph.
I've loved Dierks Bentley since his first single dropped in 2003- "What Was I Thinkin'?"(I was still in radio then so I get to use the "lingo") His new album does NOT disappoint and I may have another alltime favorite song to add to my playlist. Actually, several playlists because I am starting to discover the marvelousness (don't care, shut up) of playlists. It is almost like when I was in high school and would sit for hours on my bedroom floor with KZZP's dedication hour on and my fingers going numb from my holding them to the record and pause buttons on my tape deck so I could make the best mix EVER, only now it is my stupid eyes making me lame. Oh, and now there's no friggin dj talking all over the song's intro to screw up my mix. Stupid djs. Anyway, back to everyone's favorite blond from Tempe- my Dierks. His new album features a song called "I Wanna Make You Close Your Eyes." It makes me miss Travis- like I needed help. The song is an amazing ballad (normally ballads aren't my thing) and it kinda makes me, well, umm, you know. It sparks a fire in me for my sweetheart. No, not the DOMENOWORIWILLRUPTURESOMETHING kind of fire. I am talking about the fire only real intimacy brings. I miss his breath on my neck and the way he says my name. And still- more reasons to not get in my bed.
Travis and I always seemed to be in a truck (or his '69 Chevelle) going somewhere when we got together. I loved to sit next to him in the truck with my feet on either side of the gear shift so he could rest his hand on my knee. His old brown truck didn't have any air conditioning so the windows were always down and it never seemed to matter. Things were simple. Nothing had to be managed. It was him and me and the wind and a Motel 6 once a month because that was better than trying to find an empty parking lot every weekend, and who had the money for more than that? Life now is good when we are together, but I wouldn't mind an old brown truck with no a/c every once in a while too.
I just can't shut my mind off tonight and all of it, in one way or another, takes me back to Travis. And there's something I just can't talk about right now and that reminds me of him too. I can't give hints but no one needs to worry about us or our family, we are fine. But tonight, I am grateful again, even with him 1600 miles away.
I have to be up in four hours to take Amanda and Tommy to the canyon so they can run. Yeah, McKelligon Canyon, where Travis used to run. See what I mean?
Guess I'll find something boring on the TV to try to numb my mind into a trance and maybe I'll actually fall asleep.
I hate El Paso.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Winding Down?
Mmmkay. It has been a while since I have blogged. Although I am not Catholic, I feel as if I must begin with some kind of accountability or confession for my blogging absence. The best excuse I could come up with is LIFE. You know, the kind you lead when your childrens' activities begin to overwhelm your ideal and take control? Yeah, LIFE. Been living it.
So, in my pursuit of LIVING, I have not spent one full week's worth of evenings in my own home since June. That's right, June. No, not June from some foreign calendar from a country far, far away. I'm talking June, 2008. So, basically, I've been completely consumed with their stuff. There are moms who would question that move on my part, and they have every right to do so. I'm even OK with it if they think I'm a little crazy for it. Don't care. Pay my bills and your opinion will matter. I am an Army wife. I am used to doing most everything on my own. I can manage bills, carpools, medical appointments, Army stuff, and most semi-major catastrophies on my own, and have done so, quite often. So there. Again, if I ask for your help, I will consider your opinion.
My one issue with all the going is that I've had precious little downtime. With the kids and their stuff and the house on the market, I've got a Swiffer in one hand and my keys in the other at practically all times. Sometimes I think the insanity of it all keeps me going. Something I noticed after the kids pointed it out about a month ago is that I spent most Sundays with one foot in the bed or feeling like total crap. After last week, I figured the puzzle out.
March 1st was a Sunday. That was the last day of the Greater Southwest Nationals in Rio Rancho, just outside Albuquerque. Mom came to El Paso to stay with Amanda because she had a mandatory cheer competition and she usually comes to town for each of the kids' birthdays, and Nolan's birthday is March 2nd.
That was a totally crazy weekend- got Mom off the plane Thursday afternoon, Amanda's Honor Orchestra performance was that night, ran my "have to" errands Friday morning, finished packing bags and food for the weekend, got Nolan out of school early, loaded up Maria's van with all our crap, showed the house to a Realtor, got in the van and carpooled to Rio Rancho with Maria and her three kids (who were all awesome all weekend) so we could share a hotel room too, got to the venue and got the kids weighed in, went back to the hotel and heated up dinner while Maria took the kids to the pool for 30 minutes, had dinner and cleaned up, got showers and went to bed. Saturday was eight hours of wrestling and the kids who wrestle in New Mexico are flipping beasts, then Nolan and I spent the evening with my nephew Cody's family. Sunday we woke up and went back to the tourney, where Nolan subsequently fractured his foot (yes, seriously) and took second place in his bracket, then we left and Maria's bunch, Coach Avery and us two met my sister and her special friend (for the first time) and her special friend's daughter (yup, first time) for lunch. We ate and gabbed, then loaded up and came back to El Paso. My mother had dinner ready when we got home, so we unloaded and ate, then headed for the ER on the advice of the paramedics at the arena for x-rays. As dumb luck would have it, the x-ray confirmed the fracture and we got home around 1:30 in the morning. It was already Nolan's birthday, so he got an ugly fractured foot shoe for his birthday. I took Nolan to school a couple of hours late, hit the store for birthday shopping and we all went to dinner for his birthday. We woke up and got Tuesday going, then it was time to take my mother to the plane to go home. Yes, insane.
By that night, I felt like death was creeping up on me. No, I really felt horrible. My mother was convinced I needed to go to the hospital at one point. I dodged that bullet. When I woke up Tuesday, I actually did feel much better. Wednesday was about the same, until the evening when I got sick again. When I woke up Thursday, I called for an appointment.
I got an early appointment, got the kids out the door, got ready and got to the appointment. It was actually not a bad medical experience and I am not going to complain about the service I was given, as it was more than adequate. I didn't have to wait forever in the waiting room, I was triaged quickly, I was put in a room immediately and the Nurse Practitioner was in right after that. It didn't take much convincing for her to confirm that I did have a sinus infection. Her official diagnosis was a "raging sinus infection." So, seven prescriptions later (I was actually only given six at the pharmacy-stay tuned) I was on my way. I didn't even have to wait that long at the pharmacy.
As soon as I got home, I took my meds and thought I could get some vacuuming or something done, but I was so wrong. I got an email in to the Realtor (grr) asking her to lower our price again and then I thought I would pass out so I went to bed. I slept until it was time to get the kids. I was grateful that we didn't have practice (due to the foot issue), grabbed a quick dinner at God's little blessing known as the drive-through, came home and ate and choked down some more pills before I passed out in bed. Friday meant more pills and after I got the kids to school I collapsed again.
I spoke with Travis later in the day and he and I figured my body just knew Monday that I could finally just totally poop-out and be sick. By that night, I was so nauseated I could barely move. I got some of the happy tummy yogurt and tried that to calm things down. That night I started chugging the Imitrol or Imitrex or whatever the anit-pukey liquid stuff is called. We laid low all weekend and my stomach continued to punish me.
Last night we went to watch our friends' daughter cheer at her first game (she's five) and then came home, and the nausea was still hanging on. I called the doctor again this morning and they got me in.
I had to see a different provider today and he seemed to think that the 875 mg Augmentin was a little much for my gut to handle so he changed me to a completely different antibiotic and took me off the head-swimming anti-histamine I got last week as well. He said the infection was still bad enough I needed a full course of meds. Joy. I hit the pharmacy and didn't have the good luck with the wait time I had last week, but when they finally did get to me, I got the prescription the pharmacy didn't give me last week (gee, good job, guys) that I no longer really needed as well as the one from today. The PA also told me to expect the nausea to last through tomorrow, until the first antibiotic clears out. And guess what, I'm still sick.
So, I guess the over-assertive approach with the uber-antibiotic was needed, even though it was too strong for me. Yet again, this is another reason I need to move. I need to have sinus surgery and a nose job to repair my incredibly deviated septum and I wont have it until Travis and I are living in the same house. I need his help because from what I hear, it can be a pretty intense surgery, especially since I need both procedures. NEED. TO. MOVE.
Our contract with our Realtor expires on the 31st. I have no idea exactly what will happen after that, but I am hoping we have an offer by then. The house is now priced at $110,000, which works out to $46.02 per square foot. As I now ask complete strangers, "Wanna buy a big, cheap house?"
So, in my pursuit of LIVING, I have not spent one full week's worth of evenings in my own home since June. That's right, June. No, not June from some foreign calendar from a country far, far away. I'm talking June, 2008. So, basically, I've been completely consumed with their stuff. There are moms who would question that move on my part, and they have every right to do so. I'm even OK with it if they think I'm a little crazy for it. Don't care. Pay my bills and your opinion will matter. I am an Army wife. I am used to doing most everything on my own. I can manage bills, carpools, medical appointments, Army stuff, and most semi-major catastrophies on my own, and have done so, quite often. So there. Again, if I ask for your help, I will consider your opinion.
My one issue with all the going is that I've had precious little downtime. With the kids and their stuff and the house on the market, I've got a Swiffer in one hand and my keys in the other at practically all times. Sometimes I think the insanity of it all keeps me going. Something I noticed after the kids pointed it out about a month ago is that I spent most Sundays with one foot in the bed or feeling like total crap. After last week, I figured the puzzle out.
March 1st was a Sunday. That was the last day of the Greater Southwest Nationals in Rio Rancho, just outside Albuquerque. Mom came to El Paso to stay with Amanda because she had a mandatory cheer competition and she usually comes to town for each of the kids' birthdays, and Nolan's birthday is March 2nd.
That was a totally crazy weekend- got Mom off the plane Thursday afternoon, Amanda's Honor Orchestra performance was that night, ran my "have to" errands Friday morning, finished packing bags and food for the weekend, got Nolan out of school early, loaded up Maria's van with all our crap, showed the house to a Realtor, got in the van and carpooled to Rio Rancho with Maria and her three kids (who were all awesome all weekend) so we could share a hotel room too, got to the venue and got the kids weighed in, went back to the hotel and heated up dinner while Maria took the kids to the pool for 30 minutes, had dinner and cleaned up, got showers and went to bed. Saturday was eight hours of wrestling and the kids who wrestle in New Mexico are flipping beasts, then Nolan and I spent the evening with my nephew Cody's family. Sunday we woke up and went back to the tourney, where Nolan subsequently fractured his foot (yes, seriously) and took second place in his bracket, then we left and Maria's bunch, Coach Avery and us two met my sister and her special friend (for the first time) and her special friend's daughter (yup, first time) for lunch. We ate and gabbed, then loaded up and came back to El Paso. My mother had dinner ready when we got home, so we unloaded and ate, then headed for the ER on the advice of the paramedics at the arena for x-rays. As dumb luck would have it, the x-ray confirmed the fracture and we got home around 1:30 in the morning. It was already Nolan's birthday, so he got an ugly fractured foot shoe for his birthday. I took Nolan to school a couple of hours late, hit the store for birthday shopping and we all went to dinner for his birthday. We woke up and got Tuesday going, then it was time to take my mother to the plane to go home. Yes, insane.
By that night, I felt like death was creeping up on me. No, I really felt horrible. My mother was convinced I needed to go to the hospital at one point. I dodged that bullet. When I woke up Tuesday, I actually did feel much better. Wednesday was about the same, until the evening when I got sick again. When I woke up Thursday, I called for an appointment.
I got an early appointment, got the kids out the door, got ready and got to the appointment. It was actually not a bad medical experience and I am not going to complain about the service I was given, as it was more than adequate. I didn't have to wait forever in the waiting room, I was triaged quickly, I was put in a room immediately and the Nurse Practitioner was in right after that. It didn't take much convincing for her to confirm that I did have a sinus infection. Her official diagnosis was a "raging sinus infection." So, seven prescriptions later (I was actually only given six at the pharmacy-stay tuned) I was on my way. I didn't even have to wait that long at the pharmacy.
As soon as I got home, I took my meds and thought I could get some vacuuming or something done, but I was so wrong. I got an email in to the Realtor (grr) asking her to lower our price again and then I thought I would pass out so I went to bed. I slept until it was time to get the kids. I was grateful that we didn't have practice (due to the foot issue), grabbed a quick dinner at God's little blessing known as the drive-through, came home and ate and choked down some more pills before I passed out in bed. Friday meant more pills and after I got the kids to school I collapsed again.
I spoke with Travis later in the day and he and I figured my body just knew Monday that I could finally just totally poop-out and be sick. By that night, I was so nauseated I could barely move. I got some of the happy tummy yogurt and tried that to calm things down. That night I started chugging the Imitrol or Imitrex or whatever the anit-pukey liquid stuff is called. We laid low all weekend and my stomach continued to punish me.
Last night we went to watch our friends' daughter cheer at her first game (she's five) and then came home, and the nausea was still hanging on. I called the doctor again this morning and they got me in.
I had to see a different provider today and he seemed to think that the 875 mg Augmentin was a little much for my gut to handle so he changed me to a completely different antibiotic and took me off the head-swimming anti-histamine I got last week as well. He said the infection was still bad enough I needed a full course of meds. Joy. I hit the pharmacy and didn't have the good luck with the wait time I had last week, but when they finally did get to me, I got the prescription the pharmacy didn't give me last week (gee, good job, guys) that I no longer really needed as well as the one from today. The PA also told me to expect the nausea to last through tomorrow, until the first antibiotic clears out. And guess what, I'm still sick.
So, I guess the over-assertive approach with the uber-antibiotic was needed, even though it was too strong for me. Yet again, this is another reason I need to move. I need to have sinus surgery and a nose job to repair my incredibly deviated septum and I wont have it until Travis and I are living in the same house. I need his help because from what I hear, it can be a pretty intense surgery, especially since I need both procedures. NEED. TO. MOVE.
Our contract with our Realtor expires on the 31st. I have no idea exactly what will happen after that, but I am hoping we have an offer by then. The house is now priced at $110,000, which works out to $46.02 per square foot. As I now ask complete strangers, "Wanna buy a big, cheap house?"
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