1. We were working on getting to Atlanta last Thursday and by the time we got to the hotel and hit the ground, we were running full-steam. I will be updating today and again this Thursday.
2. We went to Atlanta on a marriage and family retreat with other members of the battalion. The retreat was a great chance for us to get a quick vacation in before school and football and Travis' new baby Soldiers really got into their cycle. I think I can speak for all of us when I say we had a great time. We got to the hotel (which was great, by the way), checked in, had dinner and then we had a session for the couples. Friday before 6:30 was free time for the families. Most of them went to Six Flags (as we did). We got back, cleaned up, had dinner and then another session. Saturday we had sessions until 2:45, then we took the kids to the weenie mall by the hotel, came back and then we had date night. We got back on the bus Sunday around 11 and got home about 4 yesterday.
3. Travis seemed to think after our first two sessions of the retreat that it was geared more toward newer couples and couples who have had problems in the past. By the time Saturday was over, I think he changed his mind a little. We both agree that we took a lot away from the retreat. Chaplain Josh did a fabulous job, as did his wife, Katie, who helped him teach a couple of the sessions. Thanks for all your hard work!
4. The retreat was sponsored by the Chaplains' program. Everyone that signed up knows what military Chaplains "do." Everyone that signed up knows that Chaplains are ordained ministers. Why then, were they so mad when the Chaplain brought a tiny bit of God into the sessions. He actually made an effort to keep the teaching as neutral as he could and he told us he was going to shy away from forcing the religious side of things out of respect for those who do not practice religion. Yes, he did make some references, but he truly made an effort to make our classes as benign as he was able.
5. I think I may have the dining room ready for use either tomorrow or Wednesday. When we moved in, the movers needed a room to put the things which didn't have a "room" in which to belong since we down-sized so much. So, the dining room became a dumping ground for our orphaned crap. Orphaned crap is really hard to deal with. The treadmill is in our bedroom and it is the home for the stuff that used to live in the floor-to-ceiling shelving in our master bedroom in Texas. They are all things which hold huge importance to us (kids' trophies, yearbooks, the vases Travis got me in Korea, Travis' father's flag from his casket, toys my grandfather made and stuff like that). I have no Earthly idea where I am going to fit it all, but I will work something out.
6. I think Nolan's first football practice went pretty well. It killed me to not stay, but I left. I severed the umbilical cord. Then I got lost in the Shandon area. I want to live in Shandon. Had I stayed, I would have been among about two dozen parents to remain on-campus and watch their kids. I think Nolan needed me to go. He also didn't know that I got back half an hour before practice was over so I parked (and he didn't see me) and watched from the truck. He did pretty well. Thanks to his previous football coaches and Coach Avery from wrestling at Fort Bliss, as well as the Dad-man for his conditioning. He is not the biggest kid on the field for the first time in a long time. He is not the slowest and his skill level is pretty much spot-on. He used his hustle and I am proud of him.
7. Shandon rocks. If our stupid house in Texas would sell, we would SO live in Shandon. Travis and I agreed over the weekend that we don't live in the ghetto. Our complex deserves two words. Ghet Toh.
8. I have laughed more belly-laughs in the last week than I have in a super-long time. My Travis is really funny.
9. We might be making a quick trip to Charleston over the weekend if we get the time and a chance to escape. I am excited. We are going to take the little pups, so we can't do anything major, but we are planning to use the trip as a recon mission for a future trip.
10. I think I might like to go to Fayetteville this weekend to visit the brother in-law and his family soon. I haven't seen him or his branch of the fam since 1995. Nolan has never met any of them. Amanda doesn't remember them.
11. I am so excited school starts a week from today. You really have no idea.
12. I am thinking about looking for a job once the house is completely unpacked. I am not sure yet, still thinking, but I wont be taking anything that requires me to be out of the house on weekends or when Travis or the kids are home. They are my first priority.
13. I still have crappy phone service on my cell at the apartment. This morning I was talking to my mother. In our 45 minute conversation, we were disconnected six times. Yes, six. I don't want to get a phone line until we are ready to get our internet connection up. We aren't ready for the internet connection, so we deal with crappy cell phone service. Please be patient. Plus, I don't really have the extra time to talk right now, until I am done with the house and the kids are in school.Love you guys!
Monday, August 10, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Truck Crew Woo-Hoo!
I'm sitting in one of my collapsable chairs I use for the kids' sporting events. Man, have these things seen some miles. The truck crew guys asked three times if they were going on the truck. I had to fight the urge to pierce their forearms with plastic forks at the thought of them taking my chairs. Without them, it is Floor City and that just wont work for me.
Please remember that I am an Army move virgin and am entitled to my amazement at all I've witnessed today. I will NEVER do a move again on our own, unless it is the retirement move and we stand to make some serious dollarage off of it. Otherwise, heck no.
Monday was day one of the packing. Two guys came and worked. The did the family room, dining room, kitchen and part of the laundry/storage room. They were not prepared for the wealth of useless crap we have. They just had no idea it was possible for one woman to have nine wardrobe boxes. For herself. I think they know now. They were also amazed at the kitchen-ware. I love to cook, I love to try new cooking techniques and we love to entertain. What better way to open our hearts to people than to open our home to them and feed them? So, they came, they packed, we kicked their... Oh, too easy.
Monday, I was so tired from not having slept that I actually fell asleep on the couch for about ten minutes. I know we aren't supposed to do that, but I did that. I was so honkin' tired. After I woke up I sat. That's all. I just sat. When I was done sitting, I sat a little more. Then Kelly and Big Tommy came by to chat and give me instructions for their house and bird. Then they left. And I sat. Glorious indeed, sitting.
Tuesday, I was slightly less tired, but still reasonably so. I slept on the couch because my bed still had Mount Crap-amonjaro on top of it and because I was afraid if I slept in my bed I would sleep right through my alarm.
The same two guys showed up but they brought a friend with them. They must not have liked him very much because they made him do our bedroom all by himself. The only times I saw him were coming in first thing in the morning, leaving for their lunch break, coming back in and leaving at the end of the day. He must have a Master of Crappology degree. I didn't think they were ever-EVER-going to get done packing. And then, I blinked and they were finished. Amazing.
I had enough energy yesterday to not crash during the packing. But, I had yet to surf my couch enough. So, I sat. I played on the computer. I played Connect Four on the little hand-held game thing. I watched General Hospital from start to finish (way to go Spinnelli!). I wrote a blog. Then, I sat. I may never do another thing again. It is so nice to sit.
After the packers finished and left, we sat for a while and rested from our exhausting day, then I ran an errand and grabbed some turkey from the freezer and went to the pantry for the pasta and canned tomatoes. Woops! They were gone. I forgot, packers pack. They pack almost everything. Thankfully Kelly had told me that not only was I entitled to use her kitchen and her pots and pans to cook our dinners, she gave me permission to access her well-stocked pantry. Yay for Kelly! So, we got to their house, the kids got in the pool and I got to cooking. Then we sat and ate. Then we sat.
I slept on the couch again last night for fear I wouldn't wake up with my alarm. I went to get the clock to set it in the family room so I would be sure to wake up in time because they told me the truck crew would be here earlier than the packers. They were. I was on time, but not because I had my alarm clock. I forgot to snag it before the packers could get to it and it got packed. Somehow, I woke up ten minutes before my cell phone alarm was set to ring. That's amazing since I have been known to sleep through three alarms at a time. I have no idea how. I just know that it happens. And, I used to get up at 3am to go to work. And I could get up then. And I got up this morning.
The truck crew got here and got their hustle on. Llet me tell you, they are fast and efficient. My 2390 square feet of crap hardly takes up any of the trailer. Seriously, I am in shock. Mine is the first of three loads going on this truck. The other two are pickups in south Texas heading for Florida. I am the last drop. So, that means no warehousing (applause). They are trying to work out their route to have our delivery to us as soon as possible, and I am not pushing. I will let them tell me when they will be there with our stuff. They are really doing a good job. They were exceptionally pleased to find out that we are in a ground-floor apartment and that we will have a sliding glass door. We had some minor issues getting my couch out of the house because it is, apparently, huger than huge.
At about 12:45 I looked at the clock and thought to myself I should hurry inside instead of lounging in my chair in the shade in the driveway so I could catch today's episode of General Hospital. So, at five 'til, I did. I was crushed to see that the TV (which I watched them wrap, pack and load onto the truck) was gone. Dang. No General Hospital this afternoon.
They may take my alarm clock. They may take my TV. They may try to take my collapsable chairs. But, they will NEVER take my laptop.
Please remember that I am an Army move virgin and am entitled to my amazement at all I've witnessed today. I will NEVER do a move again on our own, unless it is the retirement move and we stand to make some serious dollarage off of it. Otherwise, heck no.
Monday was day one of the packing. Two guys came and worked. The did the family room, dining room, kitchen and part of the laundry/storage room. They were not prepared for the wealth of useless crap we have. They just had no idea it was possible for one woman to have nine wardrobe boxes. For herself. I think they know now. They were also amazed at the kitchen-ware. I love to cook, I love to try new cooking techniques and we love to entertain. What better way to open our hearts to people than to open our home to them and feed them? So, they came, they packed, we kicked their... Oh, too easy.
Monday, I was so tired from not having slept that I actually fell asleep on the couch for about ten minutes. I know we aren't supposed to do that, but I did that. I was so honkin' tired. After I woke up I sat. That's all. I just sat. When I was done sitting, I sat a little more. Then Kelly and Big Tommy came by to chat and give me instructions for their house and bird. Then they left. And I sat. Glorious indeed, sitting.
Tuesday, I was slightly less tired, but still reasonably so. I slept on the couch because my bed still had Mount Crap-amonjaro on top of it and because I was afraid if I slept in my bed I would sleep right through my alarm.
The same two guys showed up but they brought a friend with them. They must not have liked him very much because they made him do our bedroom all by himself. The only times I saw him were coming in first thing in the morning, leaving for their lunch break, coming back in and leaving at the end of the day. He must have a Master of Crappology degree. I didn't think they were ever-EVER-going to get done packing. And then, I blinked and they were finished. Amazing.
I had enough energy yesterday to not crash during the packing. But, I had yet to surf my couch enough. So, I sat. I played on the computer. I played Connect Four on the little hand-held game thing. I watched General Hospital from start to finish (way to go Spinnelli!). I wrote a blog. Then, I sat. I may never do another thing again. It is so nice to sit.
After the packers finished and left, we sat for a while and rested from our exhausting day, then I ran an errand and grabbed some turkey from the freezer and went to the pantry for the pasta and canned tomatoes. Woops! They were gone. I forgot, packers pack. They pack almost everything. Thankfully Kelly had told me that not only was I entitled to use her kitchen and her pots and pans to cook our dinners, she gave me permission to access her well-stocked pantry. Yay for Kelly! So, we got to their house, the kids got in the pool and I got to cooking. Then we sat and ate. Then we sat.
I slept on the couch again last night for fear I wouldn't wake up with my alarm. I went to get the clock to set it in the family room so I would be sure to wake up in time because they told me the truck crew would be here earlier than the packers. They were. I was on time, but not because I had my alarm clock. I forgot to snag it before the packers could get to it and it got packed. Somehow, I woke up ten minutes before my cell phone alarm was set to ring. That's amazing since I have been known to sleep through three alarms at a time. I have no idea how. I just know that it happens. And, I used to get up at 3am to go to work. And I could get up then. And I got up this morning.
The truck crew got here and got their hustle on. Llet me tell you, they are fast and efficient. My 2390 square feet of crap hardly takes up any of the trailer. Seriously, I am in shock. Mine is the first of three loads going on this truck. The other two are pickups in south Texas heading for Florida. I am the last drop. So, that means no warehousing (applause). They are trying to work out their route to have our delivery to us as soon as possible, and I am not pushing. I will let them tell me when they will be there with our stuff. They are really doing a good job. They were exceptionally pleased to find out that we are in a ground-floor apartment and that we will have a sliding glass door. We had some minor issues getting my couch out of the house because it is, apparently, huger than huge.
At about 12:45 I looked at the clock and thought to myself I should hurry inside instead of lounging in my chair in the shade in the driveway so I could catch today's episode of General Hospital. So, at five 'til, I did. I was crushed to see that the TV (which I watched them wrap, pack and load onto the truck) was gone. Dang. No General Hospital this afternoon.
They may take my alarm clock. They may take my TV. They may try to take my collapsable chairs. But, they will NEVER take my laptop.
155
There are about 155 boxes of stuff in our house. Our furniture is here and we can access some of it, some we can’t. The floors look awful from the trash, but what’s the point in picking it up since tomorrow the carpet will be trampled on all over again? The curtains are down, cupboards are bare and the batteries from our stuff are out and all over the place. This is really about to happen. The truck will be here tomorrow to load and drive out.
Tonight we went to the Oakleys to care for their bird and so I could let the kids swim, hoping they would wear themselves out a little and go to bed without much fuss. The Oakleys came home Sunday from their cross/cross country trip (which took them from here to Alabama to Florida to Alabama to Utah and back here), only to get the news of a death in the family as they were coming back from Utah. They got their leave approved and went back to Alabama for the services. They left the two older boys in the care of another friend so they could practice for football and track. They stopped by while we were there and I think tonight was the last time we would see them before we pull out Friday. I won’t see Kelly (their mother) again before we go.
I also got a call from K-Po checking in on us. She told me that every day she gets a little sadder at the thought of our leaving. Kori and I have been friends for six/seven-ish years. Most of her good friends have also left Fort Bliss over the last year or so, so this move is impacting her doubly hard. I’ve known them since their youngest was just a few months old, pretty much all his life.
Then there are my friends from radio- Mr. Randy and Patty. They are the two I have kept tabs on and kept in-touch with (when I’ve been on the ball). I am pretty sure I wont be able to visit with them before we go. But, I love them anyway.
I may never do another St. Jude Radio-thon again. Since the first year I worked at KHEY I worked on the RT and have loved every single minute of it. I love going back to the station and helping them raise money for the best charity in the world. I believe in sinking my heart into this organization because I have seen for myself the miracles they work every day. The kids melt my heart and the mothers and fathers convince me (without even trying) that pieces of heaven are truly here on Earth.
I got fat here, had a baby here, got not fat here, put my husband on planes bound for places I will never visit while uncertain of what the future would bring us, got cancer and got well again, all here. In fourteen years, the majority of my life’s milestones have taken place here, in El Paso. It has been my home but it hasn’t felt that way since Travis left for Fort Jackson.
Even with all that and so much more I wont have the time to talk about, I can’t be sad at leaving. I will truly miss my good friends and you have no idea how much anxiety I have over leaving my doctors, but I feel light and liberated and energized. I am sure there will be some tears flowing somewhere along Interstates 10 and 20, but in every sense of the phrase, the time is indeed now.
I am one of the lucky ones. I married a man who is best described as the total package. He is hot. He is panty-evaporation hot. He is strong and confident. He is loving. He is a great father. He is an achiever. He knows how to love me. And, he loves me well.
How can joining him not outweigh all the sad things about leaving? I am not trying to slight anyone; quite the contrary. I actually am feeling a little guilty that I am so elated to leave. I’ll be rejoining my life already in progress.
But, I just want you all to know how much you do mean to me. Pieces of you have helped form me into who I am. You have encouraged me, helped me hold it together, helped me grow and heal and I know that it will be a very long time before I see some of you again. And 155 boxes cannot contain my overflowing heart.
Tonight we went to the Oakleys to care for their bird and so I could let the kids swim, hoping they would wear themselves out a little and go to bed without much fuss. The Oakleys came home Sunday from their cross/cross country trip (which took them from here to Alabama to Florida to Alabama to Utah and back here), only to get the news of a death in the family as they were coming back from Utah. They got their leave approved and went back to Alabama for the services. They left the two older boys in the care of another friend so they could practice for football and track. They stopped by while we were there and I think tonight was the last time we would see them before we pull out Friday. I won’t see Kelly (their mother) again before we go.
I also got a call from K-Po checking in on us. She told me that every day she gets a little sadder at the thought of our leaving. Kori and I have been friends for six/seven-ish years. Most of her good friends have also left Fort Bliss over the last year or so, so this move is impacting her doubly hard. I’ve known them since their youngest was just a few months old, pretty much all his life.
Then there are my friends from radio- Mr. Randy and Patty. They are the two I have kept tabs on and kept in-touch with (when I’ve been on the ball). I am pretty sure I wont be able to visit with them before we go. But, I love them anyway.
I may never do another St. Jude Radio-thon again. Since the first year I worked at KHEY I worked on the RT and have loved every single minute of it. I love going back to the station and helping them raise money for the best charity in the world. I believe in sinking my heart into this organization because I have seen for myself the miracles they work every day. The kids melt my heart and the mothers and fathers convince me (without even trying) that pieces of heaven are truly here on Earth.
I got fat here, had a baby here, got not fat here, put my husband on planes bound for places I will never visit while uncertain of what the future would bring us, got cancer and got well again, all here. In fourteen years, the majority of my life’s milestones have taken place here, in El Paso. It has been my home but it hasn’t felt that way since Travis left for Fort Jackson.
Even with all that and so much more I wont have the time to talk about, I can’t be sad at leaving. I will truly miss my good friends and you have no idea how much anxiety I have over leaving my doctors, but I feel light and liberated and energized. I am sure there will be some tears flowing somewhere along Interstates 10 and 20, but in every sense of the phrase, the time is indeed now.
I am one of the lucky ones. I married a man who is best described as the total package. He is hot. He is panty-evaporation hot. He is strong and confident. He is loving. He is a great father. He is an achiever. He knows how to love me. And, he loves me well.
How can joining him not outweigh all the sad things about leaving? I am not trying to slight anyone; quite the contrary. I actually am feeling a little guilty that I am so elated to leave. I’ll be rejoining my life already in progress.
But, I just want you all to know how much you do mean to me. Pieces of you have helped form me into who I am. You have encouraged me, helped me hold it together, helped me grow and heal and I know that it will be a very long time before I see some of you again. And 155 boxes cannot contain my overflowing heart.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Mud Flaps
Walking about this fashion season I’ve noticed a new trend. Well, hardly new, but coming on strong with a renewed sense of entitlement. This leads me to today’s topic of discussion- shorty shorts. And shorty-shorts aren’t really the problem. The real source of my agony are the frequent, on-going, never-ending, constant display of mud flaps.
What are mud flaps, you ask? Mud flaps are the low cheek. The butt stuff that hangs out the bottom of shorty shorts on those who should not be wearing shorty shorts. Seriously, another two or three inches of fabric and no one would know if you have mud flaps or not. Ahh. Mud flaps.
Over the last few years I have mentioned on many occasions how the season’s current trends (any season) are showcasing the worst in people. Some you may remember- tiny t-shirts, nobras, nipple-rama, tramp-stamps, Asian-inspired tattoos (not everyone has the sign for “eternal love” and “tranquility”- some smart alec tattooist has, I am sure, taken creative license and made them read things like “likes it rough” and “syphilis carrier”), low-rise jeans, big girls in low-rise jeans, teensy panty pantylines, pantylines overall, sausage panties, camel toes, showing bra straps under spaghetti straps, wearing dirty nasty horse harness bras under ball gowns (even strapless ones), skin belts (also known as muffin-tops, mushroom tops, hangovers, foldovers and gut waterfalls). This one has me particularly perturbed.
What, you may ask is the real problem with shorty shorts/mud flaps? Duh, I am sick of seeing them. It is an important key to all of this to recall that I don’t care who you are and what you look like, I don’t want to see you naked. I don’t want to see any part of you that I don’t ask to see. I don’t even really like going to the pool because swimsuits are one step closer to naked. No, not a prude, not having anything to do with faith or religion- just don’t wanna see your twins, your booty or your crack.
Why would any woman seek out shorts which are so short that when worn, they allow your inner thigh thing (which most of us do acquire after a few years of good livin’ or popping out a couple o’ babies, and is not the mud flaps to which I refer, but are also deserving of an honorable mention) to wave like Old Glory right there between your legs? Maybe women don’t know. Maybe we, as a society of women who love ourselves, should start telling each other, in a loving way, when our asses are making a cameo appearance? Maybe we shouldn’t take it to heart when someone tells us we look stupid?
When one wears shorty shorts in public, it always piques my interest. They do realize, these women, that should they need to sit, while wearing shorty shorts in public, their fannies will be dangerously close to touching the dangerous regions of someone else who sat there before them who was also wearing shorty shorts? We live in the desert. Desert=sweaty. Mmmm, sweaty butts. Sounds good, don’t it? Yeah, I’ll have a Crispy Ranch Salad with croutons, a small fries and a side order of Swamp Ass. Sign me up.
Yeah, I get that it is hard to look at our backsides in the mirror, but seriously? Really? That is the best looking thing you could put on today? Ick. What about the hand test? Reach back there and feel the horror for yourself, for goodness sakes.
There are people of all shapes and sizes who can get away with shorty shorts. Honestly, there’s some bigguns out there who can wear shorty shorts and look great and more power to them. Me, not one of those girls. And I appreciate that and I know it and I would never inflict that type of discomfort on the people around me. So, it isn’t really a size issue (although it could be). In fact, there’s a way healthy dose of skinny chicks out there who are wearing the shorty shorts whose mud flaps are incredibly offensive. In fact, many a deflated mud flap has often made me nauseated. And, what are these mud flaps, anatomically speaking? Are they the actual butt cheeks or are they like an appendage? Are they a residual cheek? A secondary growth? These are the questions we will ponder into eternity.
My daughter has two pairs of shorty shorts she inherited (because I wont buy them). They are borderline shorty shorts. They are just long enough that I don’t want to puke when I see them on her, but they teeter on the edge of Pepto. I allow it as long as I don’t see the perpetual creepage, but bleah. Grody. My neice, gorgeous Barbie-esque statue of smoldering hotness wears them and looks great, but the vast majority of us don't be lookin' like her. Tuck 'em in, ladies. Tuck. Them. In.
So, what’s a girl like me to do? I guess I’ll keep blogging about them. I’ll keep trying to avert my eyes when I am able. I will, inside my head, encourage these women to tuck their butt cheeks inside their panties. I will pray for new fashion trends when I pray for world peace and to win the Publishers’ Clearing House Grand Prize. Maybe one day the shorty short will be a thing of the past.
Until then, I’ll just keep watching for tattoos of Yosemite Sam and the phrase “Back Off.”
What are mud flaps, you ask? Mud flaps are the low cheek. The butt stuff that hangs out the bottom of shorty shorts on those who should not be wearing shorty shorts. Seriously, another two or three inches of fabric and no one would know if you have mud flaps or not. Ahh. Mud flaps.
Over the last few years I have mentioned on many occasions how the season’s current trends (any season) are showcasing the worst in people. Some you may remember- tiny t-shirts, nobras, nipple-rama, tramp-stamps, Asian-inspired tattoos (not everyone has the sign for “eternal love” and “tranquility”- some smart alec tattooist has, I am sure, taken creative license and made them read things like “likes it rough” and “syphilis carrier”), low-rise jeans, big girls in low-rise jeans, teensy panty pantylines, pantylines overall, sausage panties, camel toes, showing bra straps under spaghetti straps, wearing dirty nasty horse harness bras under ball gowns (even strapless ones), skin belts (also known as muffin-tops, mushroom tops, hangovers, foldovers and gut waterfalls). This one has me particularly perturbed.
What, you may ask is the real problem with shorty shorts/mud flaps? Duh, I am sick of seeing them. It is an important key to all of this to recall that I don’t care who you are and what you look like, I don’t want to see you naked. I don’t want to see any part of you that I don’t ask to see. I don’t even really like going to the pool because swimsuits are one step closer to naked. No, not a prude, not having anything to do with faith or religion- just don’t wanna see your twins, your booty or your crack.
Why would any woman seek out shorts which are so short that when worn, they allow your inner thigh thing (which most of us do acquire after a few years of good livin’ or popping out a couple o’ babies, and is not the mud flaps to which I refer, but are also deserving of an honorable mention) to wave like Old Glory right there between your legs? Maybe women don’t know. Maybe we, as a society of women who love ourselves, should start telling each other, in a loving way, when our asses are making a cameo appearance? Maybe we shouldn’t take it to heart when someone tells us we look stupid?
When one wears shorty shorts in public, it always piques my interest. They do realize, these women, that should they need to sit, while wearing shorty shorts in public, their fannies will be dangerously close to touching the dangerous regions of someone else who sat there before them who was also wearing shorty shorts? We live in the desert. Desert=sweaty. Mmmm, sweaty butts. Sounds good, don’t it? Yeah, I’ll have a Crispy Ranch Salad with croutons, a small fries and a side order of Swamp Ass. Sign me up.
Yeah, I get that it is hard to look at our backsides in the mirror, but seriously? Really? That is the best looking thing you could put on today? Ick. What about the hand test? Reach back there and feel the horror for yourself, for goodness sakes.
There are people of all shapes and sizes who can get away with shorty shorts. Honestly, there’s some bigguns out there who can wear shorty shorts and look great and more power to them. Me, not one of those girls. And I appreciate that and I know it and I would never inflict that type of discomfort on the people around me. So, it isn’t really a size issue (although it could be). In fact, there’s a way healthy dose of skinny chicks out there who are wearing the shorty shorts whose mud flaps are incredibly offensive. In fact, many a deflated mud flap has often made me nauseated. And, what are these mud flaps, anatomically speaking? Are they the actual butt cheeks or are they like an appendage? Are they a residual cheek? A secondary growth? These are the questions we will ponder into eternity.
My daughter has two pairs of shorty shorts she inherited (because I wont buy them). They are borderline shorty shorts. They are just long enough that I don’t want to puke when I see them on her, but they teeter on the edge of Pepto. I allow it as long as I don’t see the perpetual creepage, but bleah. Grody. My neice, gorgeous Barbie-esque statue of smoldering hotness wears them and looks great, but the vast majority of us don't be lookin' like her. Tuck 'em in, ladies. Tuck. Them. In.
So, what’s a girl like me to do? I guess I’ll keep blogging about them. I’ll keep trying to avert my eyes when I am able. I will, inside my head, encourage these women to tuck their butt cheeks inside their panties. I will pray for new fashion trends when I pray for world peace and to win the Publishers’ Clearing House Grand Prize. Maybe one day the shorty short will be a thing of the past.
Until then, I’ll just keep watching for tattoos of Yosemite Sam and the phrase “Back Off.”
Listing
I am out of my comfort zone, but somehow relaxed and content at all that is happening around me. We have today and tomorrow and cleaning on Thursday and then we go. In honor of our new home, I wish to make a list. Remember, making lists makes me happy. I figure I can top-off my happy tank now and I'll just be bursting with happiness.
THINGS I ALREADY LOVE ABOUT SOUTH CAROLINA:
1. A husband within a close proximity.
2. Said it before, sayin' it again- Real air conditioning.
3. Not having to read Payless Shoe Source window signs in Spanish. Only Spanish at some stores. it will be nice. I am not opposed to Spanish, I speak some Spanish, but seriously, all the signs?
4. Not having to fix things around our house. Oh, you have no idea. I could make a whole list of just things I hate fixing around the house. (among those things-anything requiring the use of a cordless drill, weed-eaters [however, lawn mowers are ok], baseboards [my own personal hell], jobs requiring epoxy or any other type of bonding agent, installing bathroom fixtures, holding electrical wire nuts for Travis, etc.)
5. Someone else can change the light bulbs. I hate changing light bulbs and with the advent of the more costly, but so much longer lasting compact flourescents, I do light bulb changing much less frequently, but still, I hate changing them regardless of the intervals in between changings.
6. Another driver and another vehicle. Heaven.
7. The husband thing.
8. Our place is about 10 minutes from post, like here in Texas, but the grocery stores, WalMart, and every other convenience is even closer than they are to us here. I'm talking right across the street close.
9. Close to old friends and family.
10. There's a full-service fitness center at the apartment complex, no driving required!See, happy happy!
THINGS I ALREADY LOVE ABOUT SOUTH CAROLINA:
1. A husband within a close proximity.
2. Said it before, sayin' it again- Real air conditioning.
3. Not having to read Payless Shoe Source window signs in Spanish. Only Spanish at some stores. it will be nice. I am not opposed to Spanish, I speak some Spanish, but seriously, all the signs?
4. Not having to fix things around our house. Oh, you have no idea. I could make a whole list of just things I hate fixing around the house. (among those things-anything requiring the use of a cordless drill, weed-eaters [however, lawn mowers are ok], baseboards [my own personal hell], jobs requiring epoxy or any other type of bonding agent, installing bathroom fixtures, holding electrical wire nuts for Travis, etc.)
5. Someone else can change the light bulbs. I hate changing light bulbs and with the advent of the more costly, but so much longer lasting compact flourescents, I do light bulb changing much less frequently, but still, I hate changing them regardless of the intervals in between changings.
6. Another driver and another vehicle. Heaven.
7. The husband thing.
8. Our place is about 10 minutes from post, like here in Texas, but the grocery stores, WalMart, and every other convenience is even closer than they are to us here. I'm talking right across the street close.
9. Close to old friends and family.
10. There's a full-service fitness center at the apartment complex, no driving required!See, happy happy!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
T13 Woopsie
1. My whole purpose for starting to do the Thursday 13 was to be more diligent about blogging. Again, blogging is a form of therapy for me and I enjoy it, so I should be doing it more. I spaced this week on Thursday. So, today we do T13 on Saturday.
2. Thanks to Cathleen and the other lady (sorry, spaced on her name) who are tried and true Army moving pros. They let me know that it is OK for me to not have everything organized and perfectly clean and wonderful for the packers. After all, they are packers and packing is what they do. Apparently, there are Army peeps who have had packers pack dirty dishes for a move, garbage cans full of trash, and all kinds of things I would never dream of packing. Apparently my "worst" is someone else's "best." I find this incredibly disturbing and disgusting. But, thanks to the ladies, I will not spend tomorrow wigging out about my imperfections as I have for the last four days (or more, I forget). I am just going to clear out the bedroom with the stuff we will be transporting and mark the room for them to not pack it, rifle through my closet for anything I might have missed, pack up our medicine cabinet, pack our suitcases and wait for the movers to come. I swear, God must have known I needed these ladies to give me the rundown because I have been working my nalgas to the bone.
3. I was reminded tonight that FRGs are both necessary and mind-numbingly retarded at the same time.
4. During one of my chemical meltdowns today my bed became the launching pad for ten tons of mish-mashed crap. What do you think the odds are that I will be sleeping on my bed tonight?
5. Terry (my friend's son) qualified for the National Junior Olympic Team Qualifying in Greensboro, NC today at the Regional Qualifier (which is the event both my kids had qualified for). We may be housing six house guests the weekend after we move into our new apartment if the entire family comes along. Five of the guests are the Oakleys and the other is the throwing coach. I guess I'm gonna be getting a move on once we land in SC! Actually, I am excited about this.
6. I still have three loads of laundry on the line right now. That means I have to get them down, get them put away and put the load in the washer out before I can sleep wherever I am going to sleep tonight.
7. I told Travis last night that I would see him in a week. This is highly exciting to me. I hope it is highly exciting for you too. If not, oh well.
8. The Chihuahuas are freaking out. Their house is upside down and their kennels got moved to the no-pack room today. They are not adjusting well. I hope they get the hang of it on the other end.
9. Amanda came to me today and asked me what to do with the, "...stuff in this box?" It was a Motorola Star-Tac box which was housing our first six or seven cell phones. For some reason, I told her to keep them. I have no idea why and no idea what the heck we are going to do with them, but whatever.
10. You should try the Kettle Chips Cracked Black Pepper and Sea Salt chips I had @ CG's house tonight. Holy crap, they is good!
11. I also highly recommend the Asian slaw thingie the lady who was telling me about moving made. No, I don't have the recipe, but it was good. I mean good! Napa cabbage (shredded), scads of green onions, buttered and baked ramen noodles and almond slivers tossed with a sweet white wine vinegar dressing. I could have eaten the whole bowl of it. I was ticked I ate a hamburger before-hand because it filled me up.
12. My truck has been acting up again. Different problem than I fixed last week. I think this might be the alternator. I can't fix that. Anyone up for the happy truck prayer?
13. I sleepy
2. Thanks to Cathleen and the other lady (sorry, spaced on her name) who are tried and true Army moving pros. They let me know that it is OK for me to not have everything organized and perfectly clean and wonderful for the packers. After all, they are packers and packing is what they do. Apparently, there are Army peeps who have had packers pack dirty dishes for a move, garbage cans full of trash, and all kinds of things I would never dream of packing. Apparently my "worst" is someone else's "best." I find this incredibly disturbing and disgusting. But, thanks to the ladies, I will not spend tomorrow wigging out about my imperfections as I have for the last four days (or more, I forget). I am just going to clear out the bedroom with the stuff we will be transporting and mark the room for them to not pack it, rifle through my closet for anything I might have missed, pack up our medicine cabinet, pack our suitcases and wait for the movers to come. I swear, God must have known I needed these ladies to give me the rundown because I have been working my nalgas to the bone.
3. I was reminded tonight that FRGs are both necessary and mind-numbingly retarded at the same time.
4. During one of my chemical meltdowns today my bed became the launching pad for ten tons of mish-mashed crap. What do you think the odds are that I will be sleeping on my bed tonight?
5. Terry (my friend's son) qualified for the National Junior Olympic Team Qualifying in Greensboro, NC today at the Regional Qualifier (which is the event both my kids had qualified for). We may be housing six house guests the weekend after we move into our new apartment if the entire family comes along. Five of the guests are the Oakleys and the other is the throwing coach. I guess I'm gonna be getting a move on once we land in SC! Actually, I am excited about this.
6. I still have three loads of laundry on the line right now. That means I have to get them down, get them put away and put the load in the washer out before I can sleep wherever I am going to sleep tonight.
7. I told Travis last night that I would see him in a week. This is highly exciting to me. I hope it is highly exciting for you too. If not, oh well.
8. The Chihuahuas are freaking out. Their house is upside down and their kennels got moved to the no-pack room today. They are not adjusting well. I hope they get the hang of it on the other end.
9. Amanda came to me today and asked me what to do with the, "...stuff in this box?" It was a Motorola Star-Tac box which was housing our first six or seven cell phones. For some reason, I told her to keep them. I have no idea why and no idea what the heck we are going to do with them, but whatever.
10. You should try the Kettle Chips Cracked Black Pepper and Sea Salt chips I had @ CG's house tonight. Holy crap, they is good!
11. I also highly recommend the Asian slaw thingie the lady who was telling me about moving made. No, I don't have the recipe, but it was good. I mean good! Napa cabbage (shredded), scads of green onions, buttered and baked ramen noodles and almond slivers tossed with a sweet white wine vinegar dressing. I could have eaten the whole bowl of it. I was ticked I ate a hamburger before-hand because it filled me up.
12. My truck has been acting up again. Different problem than I fixed last week. I think this might be the alternator. I can't fix that. Anyone up for the happy truck prayer?
13. I sleepy
Monday, July 6, 2009
Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang
Whole lotta shakin' goin' on...So, the movers come in a week from right now to start packing us up. I am frettfully (or is it fretfully?) concerned that we will be overweight on the move and be in some way financially responsible for the overage. Thusly, this week begins Perge-a-tor-y. Everything I have put out on the curb in the last week has been gone in relatively quick fashion from the junk pickers. That works for me. I could hold a yard sale, but why? Every yard sale I've held in this city has resulted in little more than my own astronomical frustration with mankind. So, I take the worthy items to the thrift shop (where I know I will make a bit of cash) and junk the rest on the curb.
I need to remove the nail polish from my fingernails. It is quite chipped right now and very "White Trash." I can't find the nail polish remover. AGAIN. I am guessing (off the top of my head, no confirmation on it whatsoever, simply speculation, a hunch-if you will) that its disappearance may have something to do with the presence of a teenage female in my home. That's what happened last time I couldn't find any. It hardly seems right to go buy a new bottle of remover because space in the truck is scarce and the movers wont take liquidsl... So, the dilema at hand; break down and buy the smallest, cheapest remover I can find and not look like trash or just roll with it? I am sure you'll find me at WalMart before too long. On a side note, my nails look fabulous. Even the one I broke when I was working on my truck last week filed down nicely. I think it all has to do with the new polish I got a while back when I resigned myself to not getting a pedicure because I was cutting costs where I was able. The polish about which I rave is Nicole by O.P.I. Yes, that O.P.I. And the polish is that good. I have natural nails and if I clear-coat, my manicure will last at least a week. Pedis are lasting until I remove the polish. Yay!
Somehow I managed to wind up with exactly the amount of protiens we will eat before we leave. I have no idea how that worked out, but I love that it did. I don't mind giving my fridge and freezer contents away when we go, but I love that I wont have to give that much away. I've been trying to plan for our departure every time I go for groceries. Yay!
I am so excited to leave. I am so not excited at everything I have to do in order to make leaving possible. Like an idiot, I scheduled my kids' annual sports/school physicals for tomorrow and Wednesday. What on this green earth was I thinking? Like I have time to stop everything to go to the TMC to sit and wait on whomever to get this done and get us outta there. On the flip-side, I wont have to do them in SC when I am frantically trying to register the kids and put my home back together again. This one's a tie.I've never lived in an apartment before. I am a little nervous about it, but excited too. Just think, I'll be able to call someone when something breaks instead of having to fix it my dang self or begging Travis to do to it, which he would, but we have to work around the Army's schedule and all. Someone will be cutting the grass. Someone will be fixing the running potty. Someone else will be responsible for everything. AND, we'll have refrigerated air. I simply think that is marvellous. I haven't had refrigerated air in almost 14 years, since we moved to El Paso from a place where sane people live. Angels sing today because I will have refrigerated air. I will not join them because I love you and the safety of your eardrums.
I had to put on a real bra today. I think I am in mourning. I have to head out and run errands at real places, not just the WalMart or grocery stores. I always wear a bra, lest I frighten small children, however putting on a real one today instead of a sports-bra really chapped my hide. I guess I could call it what my nephew does- chub rub. Wearing a real bra really gives me chub rub. Hmm, not sure if it is a good fit. Anyway, it is safe to stop by today, I'm appropriately constrained.
I have an insatiable ache to bake right now. Baking is very comforting to me. All, I mean everything, in todos, absolutely all of my scrapbooking stuff (yes, all) is packed up and waiting for transport, so I can't detox there. I think the upheaval of next week is starting to get to me. Of course, my rear would love some baking too. Maybe next time, I'll just sit on whateve I bake and save my body some time and energy, since that's where it all goes anyway.
I'm still ticked about my bangs. I mentioned earlier that my newly shorn bangs make me look like Natasha from "Rocky and Bullwinkle." They so do. I didn't go to the fabulous Beth for my last haircut. My mother wanted to treat me to a fresh cut while she was in town and Beth was a bit out of both of our price ranges, so we went to the beauty school. The girl did a great job on everything, other than she didn't cut it short enough in back and the bangs came right off the kindergarted playground after the first scissors lesson. UGH. Beth is so worth the money. AND I AM LEAVING THE ONLY PERSON TO DO MY HAIR IN THE LAST EIGHT YEARS, aside from the chickie-poo at the beauty school, AND I AM A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THAT. slightly. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Do you think Beth would move with us?
Anyway, I had hoped to arrive in Columbia with a sleek and sexy haircut, 50 pounds lighter, tanned and toned, with buckets full of cash. I hope Travis isn't disappointed. All he's getting is me.
I need to remove the nail polish from my fingernails. It is quite chipped right now and very "White Trash." I can't find the nail polish remover. AGAIN. I am guessing (off the top of my head, no confirmation on it whatsoever, simply speculation, a hunch-if you will) that its disappearance may have something to do with the presence of a teenage female in my home. That's what happened last time I couldn't find any. It hardly seems right to go buy a new bottle of remover because space in the truck is scarce and the movers wont take liquidsl... So, the dilema at hand; break down and buy the smallest, cheapest remover I can find and not look like trash or just roll with it? I am sure you'll find me at WalMart before too long. On a side note, my nails look fabulous. Even the one I broke when I was working on my truck last week filed down nicely. I think it all has to do with the new polish I got a while back when I resigned myself to not getting a pedicure because I was cutting costs where I was able. The polish about which I rave is Nicole by O.P.I. Yes, that O.P.I. And the polish is that good. I have natural nails and if I clear-coat, my manicure will last at least a week. Pedis are lasting until I remove the polish. Yay!
Somehow I managed to wind up with exactly the amount of protiens we will eat before we leave. I have no idea how that worked out, but I love that it did. I don't mind giving my fridge and freezer contents away when we go, but I love that I wont have to give that much away. I've been trying to plan for our departure every time I go for groceries. Yay!
I am so excited to leave. I am so not excited at everything I have to do in order to make leaving possible. Like an idiot, I scheduled my kids' annual sports/school physicals for tomorrow and Wednesday. What on this green earth was I thinking? Like I have time to stop everything to go to the TMC to sit and wait on whomever to get this done and get us outta there. On the flip-side, I wont have to do them in SC when I am frantically trying to register the kids and put my home back together again. This one's a tie.I've never lived in an apartment before. I am a little nervous about it, but excited too. Just think, I'll be able to call someone when something breaks instead of having to fix it my dang self or begging Travis to do to it, which he would, but we have to work around the Army's schedule and all. Someone will be cutting the grass. Someone will be fixing the running potty. Someone else will be responsible for everything. AND, we'll have refrigerated air. I simply think that is marvellous. I haven't had refrigerated air in almost 14 years, since we moved to El Paso from a place where sane people live. Angels sing today because I will have refrigerated air. I will not join them because I love you and the safety of your eardrums.
I had to put on a real bra today. I think I am in mourning. I have to head out and run errands at real places, not just the WalMart or grocery stores. I always wear a bra, lest I frighten small children, however putting on a real one today instead of a sports-bra really chapped my hide. I guess I could call it what my nephew does- chub rub. Wearing a real bra really gives me chub rub. Hmm, not sure if it is a good fit. Anyway, it is safe to stop by today, I'm appropriately constrained.
I have an insatiable ache to bake right now. Baking is very comforting to me. All, I mean everything, in todos, absolutely all of my scrapbooking stuff (yes, all) is packed up and waiting for transport, so I can't detox there. I think the upheaval of next week is starting to get to me. Of course, my rear would love some baking too. Maybe next time, I'll just sit on whateve I bake and save my body some time and energy, since that's where it all goes anyway.
I'm still ticked about my bangs. I mentioned earlier that my newly shorn bangs make me look like Natasha from "Rocky and Bullwinkle." They so do. I didn't go to the fabulous Beth for my last haircut. My mother wanted to treat me to a fresh cut while she was in town and Beth was a bit out of both of our price ranges, so we went to the beauty school. The girl did a great job on everything, other than she didn't cut it short enough in back and the bangs came right off the kindergarted playground after the first scissors lesson. UGH. Beth is so worth the money. AND I AM LEAVING THE ONLY PERSON TO DO MY HAIR IN THE LAST EIGHT YEARS, aside from the chickie-poo at the beauty school, AND I AM A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THAT. slightly. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Do you think Beth would move with us?
Anyway, I had hoped to arrive in Columbia with a sleek and sexy haircut, 50 pounds lighter, tanned and toned, with buckets full of cash. I hope Travis isn't disappointed. All he's getting is me.
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