Genuinely Tiny Knickers

Quick, name that movie!

It was on tonight and Travis and I were texting while Amanda and I were watching it after wrestling and dinner (which was pretty flipping good- schnitzel with an onion pan gravy, noodles [because ALBERTSON'S, of all expensive places, had no boxed spaetzle), green beans and iced tea]). We didn't get to see the worst of Bridget's awkward moments, but the ending has always made me cry. Stupid, I know, but I am a girl and it is a chick flick and that's just that. In the end, her true friends come for her, knowing she's been down and as she's leaving for her surprise trip (a gift from her friends), Mark shows up to tell her he forgot something before he left for New York, so he came back to do it. What? He came back to stick his fricking tongue down Bridget's fricking throat and prove that nice boys do fricking kiss like that.

Of course, me being me, the tears were flowing quite well anyway, but I couldn't make them stop.

Again, we were texting and I had just mentioned that I was having problems sleeping again. *Back-story: I've dealt with sleeping alone pretty regularly for the last 18 years and have had pretty consistent intermittent (I know) trouble getting to sleep and/or staying asleep. I've never taken anything for it, I've just dealt*

Then, it came up that over Christmas, which was the last time we saw each other, I didn't have any problems at all sleeping. That was all the shove I needed to go over the edge. It wasn't a bad over the edge, just a little one, but the impact still leaves a mark.

S-I did pretty well over Christmas with sleeping

T-Hopefully not too much longer

S-I know. Been so long I feel like I might've forgotten how to take care of you

T-Na

S-Just sometimes feels like it (tears flowing freely)

Most days I find myself daydreaming of what my life is going to be like when we do get to move. Seriously, I've been married to the same guy for seventeen years in a row and I still daydream about our life. I hate to call it a perk, but I'm trying to stay positive these days.

Last year, when he found out he was leaving, we were gearing up for triathlon season to hit full-swing. Travis doesn't train quite as much as my nephew or other triathletes do, but he does need to focus on diet- high protien, balanced quality carbs, lots of fruits and veggies to up the O2 in the blood- you get the idea. Then, the orders came and twelve days later he was gone. I am so grateful my mother could come stay with the kids for the nine days I was with him. We drove there and I got him set up in his crap-hole trailer while he inprocessed and in the afternoons, we would go exploring, like we did when we first moved to Kansas and didn't know anything about the place. It was a near-perfect introduction to the place I so desperately want to call home.

In June, the kids and I went there for the beginning of summer vacation and Travis came back with us so we got him for seventeen days. That was fabulous! And again, I fell hard for Columbia. I really do like it there.

He came home again for ten days in September and for thirteen days in December. He left on January 2 to head back. So, since he left, this last four and a half months have been the longest stretch we've gone without seeing each other. Let me just say, it sucks. But, we've gone more than double that without seeing each other in the past. It isn't something I am proud of, just something I know we are capable of doing.

In the last three months, in particular, I've had to really do some work to get myself to sleep. Regular workouts and yoga have been a great help and one would assume with as crazy my schedule is with the kids and the dogs and the house and everything else that I wouldn't have a problem sleeping, but for some reason the more we go the less I seem to sleep. I guess the brain just doesn't slow down well.

I've felt before that we were close on selling, but I've never felt as non-stressed about it. Maybe that is just that I trust we are with the correct Realtor now, Brian. We've already had one viewing and there have been phone calls on the house, tomorrow is the agency's showing to the other agents from their office, next Friday is the Realtors' open house and next Sunday is the general open house. Brian compiled the panoramic virtual tour of the house and that is being loaded to the Centry 21 site as we speak. I am getting emails and phone calls and I hardly know what to do with it all! Never, did we ever, have this much activity during the last contract, practically during the entire six and 3/4 months. Finally, someone gives a crap about my house selling. Everybody shake your pom-pons for Brian- woot, woot!

Tonight, I am going to get off the computer prior to 10:45. I am going to put some peppermint lotion on the feeties with some fuzzy socks, gonna take my last iron pill for the day, gonna turn the TV waaaaaaaaaay down so I have to struggle to hear it (because I can't fall asleep without the TV *AT ALL* when Travis is gone), and snuggle into our bed. Hopefully that will equate with falling asleep and remaining that way for longer than three and a half hours and I will awaken tomorrow feeling refreshed.

Maybe then genuinely tiny knickers wont make me cry.