Things I Haaa.... Don't Like Much

I just feel a need to gripe today. Lucky you.

1.) Long cigarette lady- Yes, the one I mentioned earlier. I am still miffed about her. I've noticed small piles along the sidewalk in front of the house for a really long time, on both sides of the walk. Our neighborhood is super-old, so our sidewalks have yard on one side and a sliver of yard about four feet wide on the other (and the street on the other side of that). We have a rock yard and we do keep up with it constantly. We lived in military housing for the better part of 13 years and we DO know how to pick weeds, mow grass, trim shrubs and pick up trash and other (a-hem) "matter" which happens to find its way into the yard. Most of my neighborhood does not know how to do these things (because surely if one had the knowledge, one would apply it to the task at-hand). I have, indeed, also noticed a proliferation of ciggie butts in the yard. We (collectively, all four of us) do not smoke and we are outnumbered by about 85% of our neighborhood. I have no problem with smokers as long as smokers take care of their bizniz and keep it outta mine. AND, my dogs have never crapped anywhere in the neighborhood aside from their own back yard or Kelly's back yard. AND, if they did crap somewhere in the 'hood, I would pick it up. Why? IT IS THE LAW!!! I am fully confident that I know who the offenders are as the kids and I all witnessed them Friday when we were coming back to the house after the house shoppers (who never showed) were supposed to come. She saw us pull into the driveway, with her long cigarette wedged in between her bony talons and her scrawny Cocker Spaniel hunched over on it's leash, and never once flinched or apologized or looked back at the vile pile they left behind. I just don't like her now.

2.) The chick that sat next to me this morning at the band and orchestra concert at the elementary school- It is never in good taste to show up at your fifth grader's school in your work clothes if you are employed in the adult entertainment industry. There is always the possibility that I am wrong about your career, but I have sat in enough classrooms in my day to have learned the application of context clues. Your breastage, however lovely and siliconic and expensive it may be, ought not be hovering on the edges of the danger zone as you sit in the front row digging in your purse (on the floor) for your gum and your digital camera. Also important notations- costume jewelry on a body should never outweigh the body or be "blingy" enough to blind the orchestra teacher (that just isn't nice), lucite footwear (both with and without ankle straps) in excess of three inches should not be worn in public before the street lights come on, a g-string may be worn for any occasion providing that it is fully covered during occasions attended by a populous with an average age of eleven, the presence of one's body fragrance of choice cannot mask one's body odor, even on the occasion that one may retrieve the gallon-sized jug with convenient spray cap from one's purse on the floor in front of them in order that they may apply it in the presence of twelve other parents and the entire fifth and sixth grades.

3.) The parents of this morning's performers at the elementary school (aside from the twelve of us that showed)- Dude, even if you hate elementary school performances and kids and schools and administrators and music, your kid is performing. You prolly should be there. You don't have to enjoy your kids' activities, but I am sure they would love to have you there to witness them doing something they enjoy. I can't believe you didn't show up. I forgive you if you were absolutely not able to be there because you or a child were ill or your wanker boss wouldn't give you time off or if your car broke down on the other side of town. Otherwise, you suck. And, if you come and you don't like being there, fake like you did. It is good for your kid.Now I am tired.

The list is so long, but I need to stop before my fingers fall off.