You Want to Put What Down My Throat?

Current mood: distressed

Now that I seem to be healing from my nasty boogers and allergy problems in spite of the last two days of 40-50 mile per hour winds, one would think my health would be looking up. That's freaking hilarious.

I am sure we can all align my new issue with my current living situation, so lets blame that, shall we?

Not long after I returned from my travels I began having awful stomach pains. Since I had so much drainage I assumed the stomach pain was a by-product of the excessive snot, so I ignored the pain. I usually have stomach pains when I am having lots of drainage. As time passed, the pains became substantially worse.

Two days ago I had two episodes of stomach pain. So, I called the docs. Seems they suspect I have ulcers, which are being made worse by my (laughing uncontrollably) heightened stress level. Today I saw the surgical clinic. I didn't see my doctor there, or I would have said so. I just saw one of the interns. He said I have to have an endoscopy. Now I am trying not to say a real bad word.

Tomorrow I have to have my pre-admission stuff done and on Tuesday they will do an "awake sedation." I heard that phrase and went after that pubescent doctor. He started telling me about awake sedation and about how simple it really is and how I wont remember it and I wont feel anything. What a weenie liar.

You see, when I had my thyroid and her tumors removed, I was given awake intibation. My tumors were pressing on my windpipe and the anesthesiologist explained that intibating me while I was knocked out would not be safe because of the blockage in my throat. Basically, you are bombed out of your mind but the docs can react quite quickly if you are still somewhat coherent should something go wrong so they can bring you back around. Lucky me, I woke up while they were shoving the tubes down my throat. Not only did I wake up, I remember it, I remember how I felt and I remember being scared out of my friggin' mind. I even sat straight up. They got me back under and finished the intibation and the surgery pretty easily after that.

When I was out of recovery and ICU, I went to my regular room with my three other (noisy, inconsiderate) roommates. I was just getting settled in when my anesthesiologist came in and asked how I was feeling and if I might be having some throat discomfort. "No," I answered, "I am having a lot of throat discomfort, it is sore, it is scratchy and it feels like it is on fire." Then he told me that they had a hard time intibating me. Then I told him about waking up and sitting up. He laughed and told me I couldn't possibly remember. So then I explained that he was to my left and his nurse assistant was on my right and they were both saying my name trying to calm me. There were three people in gowns and hats with their backs to me working with instruments on a table which was pushed up against a grey tile wall. There was a bright round light immediately above me and there was a surgeon with his surgical mask on and he was trying to calm me from the head of my table and when they got me back down on the table, he put his hand on my left shoulder and was trying to talk to me calmly in my ear while they got the rest of the tubes in my mouth. Needless to say, the sleepy-time doc was blown away and said I was the first patient he had ever had who could recall something like that after the large dose of whatever medication they gave me.

The intern told me to tell my admissions nurse about that little problem. I just asked if they could fully knock me out so we could just avoid the issue alltogether. He laughed a little and said no.

So, on Tuesday afternoon, should you hear gagging, shrieking or the breaking of a fiberoptic camera, just think of me and smile.