Adventures in Pantyland

Current mood: cantankerous

Interestingly enough I am not the only person I know who has blogged about panties in the last week. No, I will not tell you who my other undie friend is, so quit being a perv, OK?

So, those who know me best know I have a thing about panties. I hate panty lines. No, I really hate panty lines. I think they are disgusting. They drive me nuts. And, sometimes I have them, hard as I may try to not to do so. They are just nasty.

One of my biggest pet peeves is going anywhere and seeing panties made for a size 6 on the butt of a woman whose jeans are at least a 10 or 12. The sizes printed in the panties are a guideline for you, ladies. Learn how to use them. Please.
I've been needing to buy some new chones (Spanish for undies- pronounced cho-nays) for a little while. The weight shifting (note I did not say weight loss) is affecting my rear. My two-sizes-smaller jeans are getting a little baggy now, and I am still wearing the same size undies. In fact, at the bowling party Saturday night my drawers were slipping down (inside my jeans) as we were walking out of the alley. Now, that panty-slippage can also be attributed to the elastic wearing out, but lets all just blame it on the weight shift, mm-kay? So, I needed some newbies. Yay!

WalMart used to carry the "Say Ahh" line of panties made by Hanes, I think. I feel so in love with those undies. They were the best! They had regular bikinis, low-rise bikinis, thongs and boy-legs, which were my choice because they weren't granny panties, but they still left me sans panty lines because of the flat seams on the trim. Praise the Lord. Not long after I found them there, they stopped carrying the line. What jerks. It took me some time, but Target had begun selling some chones as a part of their store brand which VERY closely resembled the Say Ahhhs, so I started buying those. And, alas, they stopped carrying them not long after that. I was still searching desperately for something similar so I didn't have to join the Sisterhood of the Nasty Butts.

You see, panty lines are not only created by women who do not buy the proper sized underwear in the too small department, panty lines can happen when panties are too big too. There is also the obvious panty wrinkle which happens when the panty does not lie properly on the hiney. The thong panty line is particularly disturbing because although we all are freaks of one kind of another, I don't need to know you are trying to split your body vertically via your ya-dee-ha-ha. Thongs are not for long-term wear, girls. Ugh, now I feel chafed.

Back to my quest for the perfect panty... Kmart, after much time and aggrivation on my part, began to carry the Say Ahh line. I was so excited I bought them out of my size the day I found them there. And, you guessed it, just a few short weeks later, they were gone. But, fret not, panty fans as Kmart introduced their own line of knock-offs just as soon as they got rid of our friends from Hanes. Angels singing, bluebirds chirping, me giggling with glee, sunshine and rainbows.

I went to Kmart last week on a panty prowl and although they had the other styles from my favorite line, they did not have any boy-legs. Ugh, they suck. I went back Saturday to see if they had a shipment. Nope. I went tonight for trash bags and hopped across the aisle to Pantyland. Again, they had thongs and bikinis, but no boy-legs were to be found. I was frustrated and running out of my supply at home, so out of desperation, I looked at the panty tower. You know the panty tower- it is a series of bins full of panties of different styles and sizes stacked to maximize merchandising space. So, I looked at the sign, 4 for $12, sounded like a deal to me. I found four in my size and went to pay.

None of them rang up for the 4 for $12 price so I asked the cashier. She actually had to lock her register and go do her own price-check (unbelievable). When she came back she told me that the only ones which were 4 for $12 are the ones labeled as such. I am sure I must have missed that, but I swear it said 4 for $12. It just irked me.

So, I have panties again. Yay. Only they aren't my favorite undies. I'll let you know how they work out. But, in the meantime, if you should happen across my kinda panties, let me know.