Why do I Buy Strawberries?

Current mood: annoyed

Strawberries, socks, cookies, avocados (or is it avocadoes?), hair spray, flat iron, stoneware soap pump... Really, there is no end to the list.

Whatever it is that I purchase, whether specifically for me or Travis or as a family use item, why do I buy any of it? Oh, so many answers, but only one is correct.

I make these purchases because I want my children to eat, use, break or otherwise consume absolutely everything they come into contact with, duh! Even better is if they eat, use, break or otherwise consume these things before I even get to see them living in my house.

On Friday of last week Nolan and I ran to the grocery store up the street for avocados and a couple of other incidental items. I am the only member of our family currently residing in this dwelling who regularly eats avocados. They are incredibly good for you; you should try some. My favorite way to eat them is sliced on fresh (very, very fresh) corn tortillas with a tiny slice of Meunster cheese and a sprinkle of Joan's Crazy Mixed-Up Salt. Oh, so yummy. So simple. So wondermous. We ate one that night chopped up in our dinner salads (no-thank-you servings for the kids). Two avocados were left for my future pleasure. They remained on the counter for my next hankering for buttery green goodness. That came yesterday. I just wanted a couple of bites. I felt both avocados to see which was the riper and it was easy to see that the larger was farther along than the smaller. All the better for me. I washed the avocado and grabbed my knife in anxious anticipation. As I set the blade to the skin I noticed a gash in the skin. No, not a small one. This gash was about two inches long. What the hey, people? Then I saw the paring knife slid under the kitchen tool turner. Nope, not quite smart enough to hide the evidence, my children. That knife's blade still had the evidence of avocado residue. So, I decided to cut into it anyway, just to see. It was ruined. Completely. It was so gross I lost my apetite. They both denied gashing my treat.

Sunday we went to the commissary on the way home from the kids' sleepover at Ms. Holly's house. We needed a few things, but it was no big deal. The strawberries looked especially fantabulous, so I bought a quart. We came home and I ran to get a new bra and some panties (they are ok, hardly wonderful) as well as an organizer for some of my scrapbooking stuff. When we got home, the one instruction for the kids was to put the groceries away before I got home. I think I might have been gone for an hour and a half? On the way home from the mall, all I could think about was how great a couple of strawberries would be as a light snack before dinner. Ah, alas, when I returned home I went to the fridge to grab a couple to wash and the container was empty. And still in the fridge. The one reply to my questioning the whereabouts of the entire box of strawberries was, "Geesh Mom, they were huge strawberries, there were only, like, ten in the box." They were big strawberries, they looked fantabulous, after all, and I bought them for us all to enjoy.

Last week I bought an enormous bottle of shampoo. I purchased this shampoo knowing Amanda was out of shampoo and that Amanda being Amanda had likely yet to throw her empty shampoo bottle out, so she could refill it with shampoo from my super-tanker bottle, thereby leaving the larger bottle in my shower. Then the time came for me to shower and the kids were at Ms. Holly's house. And, drumroll, please... with diluted hair spray water running down my face and burning my eyes, naked and soaked, I discovered my giant shampoo bottle was missing. I stepped out of my shower and realized there was no flipping towel in my bathroom. OK, that sucked.

Nolan has bigger feet than me and they are almost as big as his father's. Since there is a drawer in our bedroom dresser just brimming with socks, this is where Nolan does his sock shopping. Why look for one's own socks under one's bed or in the back of one's closet or perhaps shoved or thrown behind the very large video game cabinet which sits diagonally in a corner when it is so easy to enter one's parent's bedroom to steal the socks of another? And, not just any socks, even though there are plenty in varying lengths and styles, noooo, the super-expensive socks purchased specifically for foot comfort during long runs and triathlons. Then, of course, one should take those expensive socks off, one in one room and the other in another, taking care to leave them where they fall or shove one in to some never-explored abyss, so at least one expensive sock is never to be seen again.

Two days ago upon the completion of a mad dash to WalMart as we were getting in the truck, my children lost their minds (you may find that shocking). My truck is the older-style three door cab, with the third door which opens in the opposite direction of the passenger front door. I have had to create a chant for the precious darlings which is quite simple. It goes, "Little door, big door. Little door, big door." Everyone say it together, please. It might be hard to grasp at first, but I have faith that you will eventually understand it. Well, this particular evening, my little angels decided that Little Door and Big Door needed to be closed at precisely the same moment, which caused a large piece of plastic door trim to break free from the metal part of the door. The reply from the elder of the two was, "Oh, that's an easy fix, Mom. All we need is some Super Glue and a few minutes and it will be good as new." Correct me if I am wrong, but wasn't it good as new before they broke it (while being stupid)?

Oh, I do love parenthood.

Currently listening : Under Presure (Under Pressure Remix) By Queen Release date: 1999-12-28