Can I Sleep it Off?

Current mood: uncomfortable

Wish I could, and this is going to be one of those times when cogent typing falls by the wayside and pure emotion spills out all over. I could write about the ills of our economy or the fact that my checking account looks ever-sicker each month of this separation or more on cancer or more on my wacky family or the fact that I turned down a dog which needs a home out of respect for my family's needs (totally against my usual response to dogs needing homes), but no. I revert to being the mother of a kid in high school.

I think most of the time that Travis and I have done a relatively good job on the kids. Nolan's had his rough spots, but as he matures, I see the issues shrinking and fading. He sometimes struggles for his successes, but they do come and we appreciate his efforts. We tell him, as we tell his sister, that we are proud of them. We tell them that we love them unconditionally, and in Nolan's case, it was important for him to be told that no matter what, he could never make us un-love him. I think he gets that now. Praise the superior being of your choice (A. The Lord. B. Allah. C. Buddah. D. Hale-Bop. E. ________________).

Conversely, it is important to us as parents to make sure that when warranted, we tell our children we are disappointed in their actions. Not in them, rather, in what they do. My child is not disappointing, but the fact that her sports bras are all missing disappoints me to no end. My child is not disappointing, but the continual disappearance of his socks due to his not picking them up from the floor disappoints me and makes me break out in hives a little. You see? I hate having those conversations. They suck. They make me feel like doody. Before. During. After. Just. Plain. Doody. ***BUT*** I see a huge decline in the number of people who were raised with a sense of what is and is not disappointing to their parental unit(s). I guess that's what the ol' folks used to call, "Shame on you!" I, personally, don't think a little shame ever killed someone. If you do, stop reading because this is my blog and I'll say what I want. The way we learn that shame sucks is to feel shame for an action and learn from it how to avoid shamefulness. Or disappointment, or whatever prettier word you want to give it.

My kid is in high school now. Yes, high school. Hold on, gotta dab the corners of my eyes. Ahem, where was I, ah, high school.

This is a whole new world. I thought I might have some type of advantage here, being one of the younger moms of a high schooler. I am 35, dude. I graduated high school just 18 years ago. Dude, I thought I was young until my kid went to high school in El Paso. I think the median age for mothers of new Freshman has got to be somewhere around 30? Maybe 28? Not kidding. I guess I am old. Dude, that blows. Oh Menopause, is that you creeping through the shadows of my room?

Remember, if you will, to date we have dealt with bisexuality, homosexuality, teen pregnancy (more than one acquaintance of La Princessa is currently expecting), homelessness ('nuther story for 'nuther time), mental illness, promiscuity, all within four weeks, and now this- read on.

So, last night I went into Amanda's room around 10-ish. I wanted to talk to her. I wasn't trying to catch her in the act of anything, but that's usually how it happens. Regardless of the good decisions/bad decisions discussions, regardless of the consequences for our actions discussions, regardless of the presence of very cut and dried rules in our home, she still leans. She was leaning. She actually was texting after 9 pm. I can deal with the texting. I have learned to cope without the help of such agencies as Text-annon. My two requirements- no texting/calling during school and no texting/calling after 9 pm. Fair enough? Yeah, but occasionally when the mood strikes her, she simply must text. Last night she was texting with two people.

One is a friend from an activity and one (who shall remain as annonymous as possible because that person is a minor- I'll call them LL) is someone with whom my Precious Darling wants to spend more time. I was previously involved in the more time decision as was the father. Leery and acutely aware of newness and unfamiliarity, we reluctantly agreed. F*&^! We are so stupid.

So, the one wanted info. And to gossip. Typical. The other wanted to laugh about their choice to do some illegal things. Ah, which illegal things? LL got loaded and high. Chronic and pot. And was laughing about it, while telling my kid that they were flirting with the third person in the texting triad while loaded and high. At least they're honest, eh?

That's when the fun began. I took the phone and began to assume my kid's identity. Oh, yes, I violated the sanctity of the text. After several texts back and forth, I told LL I was THE MOM. I think I heard LL crap a little in los pantalones. So, we then shared a dialogue and I explained that pot was totally not cool with me. LL tried to get me to believe that it was a one time/first time mistake. Yo momma may buy that crap, but I wont. LL tried really hard. LL called me dude several times, dude. LL told me that they were a good kid because their progress reports was all As, cept two Bs, dude. LL even pinkie promised me. Yes, seriously. Unwavered, I didn't back down. But I wasn't a total cow to LL either. I discussed openly for an hour and a half and told LL I expected better decision making from my kid because she was taught better. When I asked LL if they had told their parents about their first timeyness, LL instantly became so tired that LL required immediate rest and bid me a pleasant evening. Not really, it was more like, "I really have to go to sleep. I need my rest. Goodnight mam."

So, now we have lied, broken at least two laws, flirted with a friend (while loaded and high and blaming it on that [which might just be another lie, no?]), and tried to manipulate someone's mom into changing her thinking that it was just a "one time thing and that everyone makes mistakes."

I told her she couldn't spend time outside school with LL. And then she tried for another half an hour, after the hour and a half I was texting LL and talking to her at the same time, to make me change my mind into believing that LL was a good person with whom she could spend extra time. I told her I do believe in second chances but LL used them up in one night and that my kid deserves more than to compromise what she knows is right for someone who thinks it is all a fun ride. I told her if she also needed to discuss it with her father. When she talked to him he said pretty much the same thing as me.

I really love that man.

Currently listening : Fast Times At Ridgemont High: Music From The Motion Picture By Various Artists Release date: 1995-03-14