Fostering

Current mood: hopeful

A few weeks ago I blogged about big changes. I don't remember exactly how I phrased it, but I mentioned that I would let you all know about the outcome after Travis had come and gone. Some of the close ones here in town knew because I kind of polled people to see what they thought. Most didn't really seem surprised and everyone was supportive.

Travis hadn't been off the plane more than an hour or so before I sprung it on him. We were at Kiki's having Mexican food. We were still at the chips and salsa stage when I blurted it out to him.

"Once we all get to Columbia and get settled, I want to look into fostering." You have to know Travis to know the squinty, head cocked to 45 degrees, "Heh?" I got. I explained to him that I didn't feel like I was done nurturing babies. He knew going into the marriage I wanted more than two kids, but then I got pregnant and realized I wasn't really all that good at it (being pregnant), then I got sick and realized having a healthy baby might be hard. I had resigned myself to having two kids and being satisfied with that. And, I am.

But, I never really did feel like I was done with babies. I adore babies, and most of the time, they really like me too. I don't want to foster bigger kids, because our kids are pretty set in their lifestyles and having kids close to their ages would seem incredibly unnatural to me. Bringing babies into our family seems more organic and like a better fit. And, I am not looking to adopt. I am happy with where we are as a family.

I explained this all to Travis. I was really unsure of the reaction I would get. He's the kind of guy who is sometimes really hard to gauge, even for me. After hearing all I had to say- I was talking really fast so I could get it all out before he told me, "No"- he just kind of nodded in his noddy way and said, "Well, I guess we'll have to see how things are once we are all there together." It wasn't a no, and that was really what I was hoping for from him. Usually when he answers that way it means that he needs some time to savor the idea for himself. I feel good about his response.

I got the idea of fostering from the desire I once had to adopt a child. After having our two, the idea of adopting in addition just didn't seem like a match for us. But, baby-fever has always hit me hard. My friend's (Kori) sister and her husband foster. They are fostering in order to adopt. I hear Kori speak all the time about what is going on with the kids and how they are adapting to their ever-changing home. It sounded wonderful to me.

Plus, there's the fact that by taking these babies in, we'll be helping them to have a better life; many of them are drug affected and/or abused, or they are stuck in a bad situation. I know we wont have them long, but in some way, they will feel loved and safe, and isn't that something wonderful to give a kid that might not otherwise have that? I want to do that for a baby, or many babies. I guess this is just one more way I can make a difference in this world.

Two days ago, I ran into a casual acquaintance. She was talking about her foster kids. I had no idea this lady was a foster parent, but I took the chance to quiz her about everything I could think to ask. The more she spoke, the more I wanted to foster.

I know this is something I have to do. It is something I just feel like I am meant to do, like kismet or something. I just hope it all comes together once we are in Columbia, together, and ready to have a real life again!

Currently listening : Hope Changes Everything By Harris