Big Bird and Whorin' Around

Yes, they do go together. Read on...

We've all, by this point, read about the pothead boy, right? Well, Miss Smarty Pants, aka my daughter, thought she was two things: smart enough to change his ways and smart enough to get away with something she clearly understood she was not supposed to do. And, drumroll please, she got caught and she did not change his ways. He had told her about his use of pot and that it was his first time using it. He also told her he wanted her to be his, a-hem, first. Yup, you read right.

I told her not only was his experience with pot and Chronic likely to have not been his first go 'round with doobage, that there was a very healthy chance that were she to be one of his conquests, it would likely not be his first. Dunno, something just told me so.

Anyway, she decided to go out with him believing she would get away with it. She did not. Therefore, she was grounded for six weeks and she had to break up with him. We told her she could still talk to him at school and be his friend but that she could never spend time with him outside school because it was obvious that the two of them had damaged the parent/child trust code. She did break up with him.

Upon the breakup, her very best pal at school, whom I will not call a mean name, mentioned to Amanda that she liked the pothead. She is also a cheerleader and is in the same French class as Amanda and the pothead. Amanda told her, "Please don't go out with him, that would be hard for me if you did." Guess where this is going- BINGO! She started seeing the boy right after Amanda broke it off with him. They snuck around for a while but Amanda caught on and confronted Pal and told her not to lie in addition to hurting her feelings, just to tell the truth. So, Pal came clean and fessed up. Amanda got over it and remained friends with the boy. They would text and would talk at school, but nothing more. Pal started to freak out telling Amanda she better stay away from him and even going so far as to call Amanda a whore when she mentioned that a different boy was looking at her. She yelled across a courtyard that Amanda was a whore and a bitch. And Amanda forgave. She also told Pal that she had no control over her friendships with other people and she would continue to talk to whomever she chose. Pal continued to be jealous and immature.

About a week, or maybe a little longer, after the two got together, there was a Varsity game at the school the JV squad did not cheer at (the last Friday in Oct. which was not Halloween). Amanda was still grounded from social activities and I told her that she would have to sit with me at the game (because I like going to the games too). She reluctantly agreed, but I wound up sending her and coming later because Nolan had a conflicting football practice. As soon as it was over, we got to the high school. When we got there, things seemed strange but I kept it to myself. The most obvious thing is that Amanda was not with the best friend, Pal. When I asked where she was, Amanda said she didn't know. We had fun anyway, me, Nolan, Amanda and a couple of her other friends who weren't mortified to be seen in my presence.

The following Monday (I found this out last week) Pal told Amanda that she and Pothead had sex at the baseball field during the football game. Even better- unprotected sex. Amanda freaked out on both of them and told him she would slap him if he ever had unprotected sex with her or anyone else again. Then Amanda went on a condom-finding expedition amongst her friends so Pal would have the neccessary supplies. She also hid all of this from me.

Three days after that, Pothead and Amanda were talking and he told her he wanted to break up with Pal because things had changed between them. Amanda said to him, "Yeah, funny how sex changes things, huh?" He agreed and then they split up a couple of days after that.

Then there was a JV game at which the ladies cheered. Pal was distraught and gloomy (as is her normal response when the world is not starstruck by her) during the whole game, and on the verge of tears. Pal's psycho mohter (yes, I knew she was long before this event) went up to the girls as they were leaving the track that night and shook her finger in the faces of the girls and told them, "You all had better figure out what is going on with Pal because I went through all this with her over the summer when Abe broke up with her and I am not going through it again." The girls all kind of looked at each other and went about their business. Again, I was not privvy to the intel.

I guess everything got better for a couple of days, except that Pal was still being bossy to Amanda, telling her she better lay off and not talk to him because she was acting like a whore and he wasn't her boyfriend and didn't want her (remember, Amanda went out with him first) and she would back off if she knew what was good for her. Amanda still talked to him. Pal and she, however, did not remain quite as friendly.

Then, Pal thought she was pregnant. Ah, isn't that fun? And, even though the waters between them were rough at the time, Amanda told her that she would remain her friend and stand by her side if she were. Then she was going to get her a pregnancy test at the nurse's office. Pal chickened out of that one, but still, that is what my kid was willing to do for her.

Pal, after that, then began to continue calling Amanda a whore and a bitch. She said Amanda was fat (which really pisses me off, especially since Twiggy would look fat next to the 5'10" 103 pound Pal). She said she was a crappy cheerleader. She said she was a liar. She said she was a horrible friend and that she was stupid (interesting since Amanda is one of the only six cheerleaders to maintain academic eligibility throughout the semester, but not Pal). She said it all to anyone that would listen. She talked about Amanda behind her back to everyone, including the rest of the cheer team. And Amanda, after those things being said, told her that she would help her all she could if she were pregnant.

Then Pal started, thankfully. She texted Amanda to tell her.

Then, a week and a half ago I started to notice that things weren't right with Amanda. I let it go and figured it was all just teenage angst. Yeah, it was.

So, last Friday I saw that Pal was avoiding Amanda like the plauge. So, I asked what was up and she told me all the sorted details. I had to do some serious work trying to restore her spirit, but she really was fine, without knowing it. She realized that most of the team thought what Pal had said was all crap. Yay, small victory for my kid!

I told her that she needed to take it to the cheer coach because it would affect the team dynamic. So, she did. She was very calm and poised and maintained her emotions quite well and said what she needed to to the coach. I was there and saw it. Then, I told the coach about the sex buisness. Maybe I shouldn't have, but my hands were bound. It was my hope that someone would tell Psycho Mom so she could get her the health services she needed. I wasn't ratting her out. I wasn't tattling. It was all out of concern and there was no way I could tell her mother without her flipping out on me.

Then, I found out that a week ago, at Parent-Teacher night at the school, Pal and Psycho Mom saw the Tomster (the ex-boyfriend who is now like her big brother/best friend) and confronted him. His mother told me this. They demanded to know what Amanda had said about Pal. He told them that she hadn't said anything except that Pal and she were fighting. Then Pal and Psycho Mom told the Tomster that Amanda was only using him for chips (because he always has a bag of chips in his backpack) and gum and that she was a dirty liar and not to be trusted and that he should never believe a thing Amanda says about anyone. Psycho Mom stuck her finger in his face and shook it at him and told him to not be Amanda's friend.

Last night there were basketball games starting at 4. Nolan and I went at about 5:30 and I brought him home at 7:15 to get ready for bed. He can handle that on his own so I ran back up to the school to watch Amanda finish out the night. When we were shuffling back and forth between the two gymnasiums I ran into Pal. I made eye contact with her and said, "Hi." She bowed her head and said it back and practically ran away.

When the girls were cheering their last game, Pal had no idea where I was. I was sitting in the stands right in front of Amanda and Pal. Pal had her new cohort next to her as well and she buddied up to her throughout the game. She was also trying to flirt with every guy there. There were two boys in front of me who were making fun of her. They were calling her Big Bird. They were taking cell phone pictures of my daughter. I was laughing on the inside because in a very sick way, it was incredibly satisfying. When we got home, Amanda told me that Pal was all excited about them looking at her and thought they wanted her. I told her what the boys were doing and she smiled and went to bed.

Some kids will always come out on top.