So They Say

She's going to be sixteen soon. Not right away, but much sooner than I would like. I remember vividly, as do all mothers, the day she was born. I remember knowing I was pregnant before I was even late. Actually, I thought I was either pregnant or that I had mono again. I remember taking my pregnancy test and Travis' quiet and very reserved reaction. He was happy, but unsure of what laid ahead of us.

She's pretty cool, my kid. I don't tell her enough, and I know that. She is so smart and in love with music and reading. She is in a stage of constant evolution. She shocked the crap out of us last year when she said she wanted to try out for cheer. Then she did it again when she said she wanted to wrestle. She's a good friend to the kids she knows- many times I think she is better than some of them deserve. She's a good student partly because we gently push her to achieve and partly because she wants to go somewhere in this world. She is very much her own person.

When she was very young, everyone told us how much she looked like Travis. I still think she does. Now that she is getting older, people are starting to tell us how much she looks like me. I don't see it, but I'll take it. I think she is gorgeous and if I EVER looked like her, I was doin' pretty good. However, Amanda hates hearing about how much she looks like me. She doesn't mind hearing how much she looks like her father. I'm going to refrain from saying mean things about that. I think, more than anything, she just wants to look like her. That's OK too.

Since she was a tiny baby she's had this independent streak. Before we had her, I always dreamed of having a baby who would lay its little head on my shoulder when strangers would approach, or when it was tired or just because it wanted to. Amanda was not that baby. She came into this world with her big blue eyes wide open and that has never changed. She doesn't miss much because there is so much to take in and she is usually right on top of it, or better yet, in the middle of it.

That independence has made a number of people make predictions about her. "You'll have problems with her when she gets older." "That one, you'll have to worry about her." "Why IS she like THAT?" And those are just a smidge of what I've heard. Most of it wasn't said maliciously, but it has always pissed me off. Why can't she just be who she is? Sure, she's going to exhibit some of my personality traits and some of Travis', and maybe some of other family members, but she is unique unto herself. And, why is that not OK?

I'm never going to be willing to listen to what I hear about the kind of person she is. From the beginning, even though she has been our daughter, she has been her own person. Why do some seem so insistent to peg her with "who" she is more like. She's like her. And, I love that the predictions we've heard are largely not coming true.

I'm no fool, I know she is only 15 and there is plenty of time for her to completely change I also know that the move, when and if it ever happens, will have tremendous impact on her in a myriad of ways. That said, I know she's up for the challenge. She is ready to go. She is ready to embrace a new home, different from any she remembers. And she will deal with the loss of the world she's created for herself here, and that might really take some time, but she'll get through it.The reason she'll get through it is the very thing people warned us about. She's got to have the chance to feel the loss and work through it and her immersion in her new world has to happen on her terms too. I don't know if she'll jump right in and pick up like she never really left El Paso behind or if she'll be going slow so she can assess the situation and make decisions before committing to anything. I'm just going to have to remember not to push her because this is HER experience.

Yes, she is independent. Yes, she is a redhead and what they say about redheads is true. She might look a bit like me or a lot like her Daddy. But, she is amazing just because she is herself. She is Amanda.