So There

Current mood: validated

Last month I went in to the doctor for my excruciating headaches and sleeplessness. I told her I suspected the discomfort had something to do with my sinuses, which have ALWAYS been problematic. I carefully explained exactly how I felt to her and she seemed somewhat sympathetic. She offered up a couple of suggestions, a high-powered decongestant, an anti-inflamatory (for swelling in my sinuses), and a pain pill which was not a narcotic and was not Skittles (Army code for 800 mg Mortin). She also referred me out for a CT scan of my sinuses. I was happy. I thought we might be getting somewhere.

and then...

I mentioned the sleeplessness. Her next question was, "Are you under any stress?" There were several ways I could have answered that incredibly stupid question:

a) I am an Army spouse. Do you think I am under any stress?

b) I am a mother. Of two. Do you think I am under any stress?

c) Football practices have begun and occur four nights a week and I have yet to once again
master the art of making dinner at 1 or 2:00 pm for consumption at 8:30. Do you think I am under any stress?

d) I have lain 317 square feet and a corresponding quantity of baseboards and I hate that kind of crap. Do you think I am under any stress?

e) I still have to either paint all the doors and baseboards in the house or strip the paint off two doors I already started and one door frame, then sand them and stain them, and I hate that kind of crap. Do you think I am under any stress?

f) I still have to finish the kitchen cabinets I started in December. It wont be hard, but it is incredibly time-consuming and since I have no spare time, it could be tricky. Do you think I am under any stress?

g) Geography. Do you think I am under any stress?

h) Two dilapidated trucks. Count 'em. TWO. Do you think I am under any stress?

i) I still have to clean out the office. Do you think I am under any stress?

j) I have not had the Realtor out yet and I was supposed to get the house on the market by the end of August. Do you think I am under any stress?

k) I haven't worked out in any fashion in about two months and I am feeling pretty mushy these days. Do you think I am under any stress?

l) Bob.

m) Treva

n) Mom

o) Having to sell this house. Alone.

p) Flipping old dog. Really old.

q) Cash moves like swamp water into my checking account. Bad. Very bad.

r) My family room smells like cigarette smoke cuz my neighbors smoke and evap cooling pulls that into my house. I don't care if you smoke, seriously, light it on up, just don't do it by my house. Me and my kid are asthmatic.

s) Two houses, two sets of bills, one income.

t) I am sick of mowing grass and the rain keeps falling. I love rain. I love grass. Just don't like what they do when they get together. Oh, and mowing makes my head hurt.

u) IHAVEAKIDENTERINGHIGHSCHOOLTHISFALL!

v) I have to move across the country five days before Christmas.

x) My head keeps hurting

y) I can't sleep

z) Not sleeping makes my head hurt worse, so do you think I am under any stress?

I did NOT use any of those answers.

I did reply that I was trying to get our home ready to sell, basically alone.

Sound the alarm. Her nut-job monitor pegged out. Her tone of voice changed in an instant and she began to baby-talk me. Ah, condescencion, the cure to every stressed out woman. Without even taking another breath, she recanted on her previous treatment plan and told me I needed an anti-depressant and a sleeping pill. One of them is a barbituate and the other contains caffiene- for the girl who can't sleep? So, thirty nine seconds ago I needed stuff to blow the snot out of my head and relieve my pressure and now I need to zone out and knock out? OK.

I did my usual thing. I got pissed. I just couldn't articulate at that moment my frustration with her. I did manage to tell her that I took enough pills every day and wasn't looking for any more. I told her that I just wanted to find the source of the problem so I could deal with it at its roots. And she told me I needed to take the zonie pills for at least a month. She told me they weren't addictive, but I would have to be weaned off of them. Huh? Is that not the very definition of addictive meds?

I went home pissed and scheduled my CT scan. Then I got more mad. And I decided to not take the pills and hope that one day I could shove those pills in the cavernous regiuons of Dr. Lopez. Then I almost totally let that go.

Time passed.

CT scan had.

Scheduled my follow-up.

Time passed.

Went in for appointment.

AND I WAS VINDICATED!!!

I know it sounds strange that I am happy there is a real problem, but I am. It is proof that I did not, indeed, need antidepressants or barbituates or caffiene (at least not in that form).

I sat down and the nurse told me she wasn't back from lunch yet, so I had to wait for her for over twenty minutes. Then I got real mad. So, she asked me, "So, how is yous sinuses been since I sawed you?" After I had spun my secret decoder ring a few times I realized what she wanted to know. I told her that things were slightly better and that I was being adamant about my evening routine so I could fall asleep a little easier, but that I was still having headaches.

Then I told her that, "I believe that medical services are quick to hand out antidepressants to members of the military community because they assume we are all teetering on the edge of losing our minds from grief, sadness or stress, without really addressing the real needs of the patients sitting right in front of them." I told her that I hadn't asked for sleeping pills or mood pills and that she had no right in one breath to change her treatment plan because from one question and half a minute she assessed that my problem was more likely mental than physical. I handed her the two full bottles of pills and told her I never had any intention of taking them.

She apologized. Then she went on to tell me there were no medicines she could give me to make me feel better because my problem could only be corrected surgically. Yup, SURGICALLY.

Apparently my septum is deviated to the point that one of my nostrils is nearly fully blocked (other one ain't too great either) and the lack of proper air flow has caused my sinuses to inflame badly enough that there is near constant pressure. And, surgery on my sinuses and a nose job are the only ways to correct the issue. Joy.

I knew I didn't need those freaking pills.

Currently listening : So There By Five O'Clock Shadow Release date: 1999-04-01